Time alone will tell......the Lord has been on my side of late and I think I understand what he requires of me now...he is special too...quite a sense of humor...why do I say that you may ask...let me tell you a story.
It all started when I found out I had a Retreat to go to....I was swamped with work during the week so I didn't have enough time to think about the fact that the Player would be there too and that I would wish not to make an ass of myself again. I planned my trip therefore with built in escape mechanisms which would ensure that I was occupied in the nights...one way or another.
Mr. ATL had been on my mind in the week however, I was busy as heck so I would forget to call him each time I found myself with time on my hands....me being me and my Karma being my Karma, he called the night before I left for the country. We had a good session which ended with us making a date to meet under the stars on Saturday night....him in Ohio, me in Ochi...it was a grand idea. I didn't know though, that my boss had intended that the weekend would be devoted to work and work only...I mean I barely had time to try out the beach and the gym. On date day therefore I worked until 11:30 p.m. and by the time I got to my room and called, he didn't take my call....I waited an hour and tried again and he still didn't answer...suh yuh know seh him get F--K now, right. Anyway, I got a quick workout, prayed away my demons and called it a night at about 2:30 a.m. as the stormy weather visited.
When I got back to Kingston, I called again and did not get through. I couldn't send out even a local call.....I raised hell with Digicel and was happy I hadn't discarded my C&W phone......it bouyed me through the weekend. It wasn't until Sunday morning that I realised that the Lord was seeking to yet again save me from myself. He doesn't want me involved with another married man and I am gonna try to do as he says this time. Had I heeded the warnings with the Player I would not have lost that game. Sometimes we just need to be good for goodness sake so I will yield to the master and watch things unfold. Afterall, it is close to Christmas and I am hoping he will provide for me a tall, handsome, well built, moderately hung and thick, nice, witty, unwed gentleman package as a reward for my effort now.
Cheers
Monday, September 15, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Misunderstanding
Men are special ....so special, so special, so special ( to borrow from Movado)....
So I had a weekend Retreat...nuff, nuff work, and I knew I was due to be sick, so I prayed about it and struck a deal with God that I would be a good girl on the weekend if he grants me this one wish....He lived up to his end of the bargain, with a little pain here and there, and I lived up to mine with few lapses in resolve...nothing too harmful. I was prepared then for a Tuesday of not so good feeling....it did not disappoint. By Wednesday morning, having spent the night in pain, I broke down and called Boogie.
He came......he got my medication from the Pharmacy, he got my hot water bottle, he stroked my hair and tummy until I fell asleep, and made me soup. It felt good being taken care of for a change. He was always good to me in these times, and I absolutely love him for it. Needless to say, he didn't go to work. He spent the day being my nurse and it felt good feeling him snuggle in behind me as we slept.
Imagine my surprise when in a period of better feeling, I took a work call, while he was on a work call I might add, only to find that this pissed him off.....not a little, but a lot.....he stormed out...what the f--k. What did I do?...he was on a call....I don't get it.....his next contact was at 11:00 p.m. to ask if I was feeling okay...I was doubled up in pain but I put on my most chirpiest of tones and said "yep".
I am fast understanding that there is no win win for me with him, I was calm and cool when he said he had to leave at six to go to an engagement, I could have been a bitch but I understood that it would have been inappropriate in the circumstances cause, after all, we are just friends. Mi nuh understand nuff things these days, so I will let it all go.....
Still sick, not even sure if this post makes sense but damn, men need to come with a handbook that can help us deal better with each other.
So I had a weekend Retreat...nuff, nuff work, and I knew I was due to be sick, so I prayed about it and struck a deal with God that I would be a good girl on the weekend if he grants me this one wish....He lived up to his end of the bargain, with a little pain here and there, and I lived up to mine with few lapses in resolve...nothing too harmful. I was prepared then for a Tuesday of not so good feeling....it did not disappoint. By Wednesday morning, having spent the night in pain, I broke down and called Boogie.
He came......he got my medication from the Pharmacy, he got my hot water bottle, he stroked my hair and tummy until I fell asleep, and made me soup. It felt good being taken care of for a change. He was always good to me in these times, and I absolutely love him for it. Needless to say, he didn't go to work. He spent the day being my nurse and it felt good feeling him snuggle in behind me as we slept.
Imagine my surprise when in a period of better feeling, I took a work call, while he was on a work call I might add, only to find that this pissed him off.....not a little, but a lot.....he stormed out...what the f--k. What did I do?...he was on a call....I don't get it.....his next contact was at 11:00 p.m. to ask if I was feeling okay...I was doubled up in pain but I put on my most chirpiest of tones and said "yep".
I am fast understanding that there is no win win for me with him, I was calm and cool when he said he had to leave at six to go to an engagement, I could have been a bitch but I understood that it would have been inappropriate in the circumstances cause, after all, we are just friends. Mi nuh understand nuff things these days, so I will let it all go.....
Still sick, not even sure if this post makes sense but damn, men need to come with a handbook that can help us deal better with each other.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Schooling
I had a reasoning session with my biggest brother last night, it was a learning experience. He has always been, what I would call, the ultimate player. he doesn't engage in emotion, he is like a spirit, he breezes in rocks your world (I hope him a represent) and then like a twig in the wind he disappears....there are no ties, he doesn't eat from any of his girls, he goes home even if its 5:00 a.m., he doesn't maintain her in any way shape or form....he is a PLAYER.
Against this background imagine my surprise when he turned up at my gate with relationship woes. I knew he was with some lady or another, I didn't know that they were serious......turns out he has been living with her for the past 2 years...WOW. It was hard to wrap my mind around the concept and after laughing up a storm I gathered myself and was the ear he needed at the time. Di man mash up.
We drank a bit, beer for me, unchased Appleton for him (it really does taste better without the chaser.....in fact I will drink the chaser after a shot or two). He wasn't weepy...he couldn't live that down, cause bad man nuh cry and I would certainly remind him about it in better times....just for the laugh. I listened as he cursed her on the one hand for searching his phone and going out of her way to hurt herself, and on the other, thinking aloud about the bills he needed to help her with since the end of the month was here.....WOW. I had to ask if he was sure he wasn't in love......he laughed and chastised me for even thinking it. I continued to listen as he again spoke about her sweet attributes and her flaws. I am convinced I am not good at interpreting stuff in relationships but it sounded like love to me.....mi nuh mek him none the wiser still, mi jus' mek him gwaan talk.
She and I share a birthday or sign or sumpn' he informed and commented that he should have known better than to mess with her given this fact. I had to question why. Turns out he thinks I am a harsh person in these matters....a budding Player he said. I let it slide cause it wasn't the night to challenge him on that revelation. I summed it up as an erroneous interpretation which I would clarify one day.
At the end of the session (3:00 a.m.) I told him to take all the time he needed cause we all need to take a break sometimes. I can't help thinking about it though....and I concluded that even the greatest of Players get bowled a googly once in a while. This made me feel better about the game I lost and I accept now that life is interesting like that.
Against this background imagine my surprise when he turned up at my gate with relationship woes. I knew he was with some lady or another, I didn't know that they were serious......turns out he has been living with her for the past 2 years...WOW. It was hard to wrap my mind around the concept and after laughing up a storm I gathered myself and was the ear he needed at the time. Di man mash up.
We drank a bit, beer for me, unchased Appleton for him (it really does taste better without the chaser.....in fact I will drink the chaser after a shot or two). He wasn't weepy...he couldn't live that down, cause bad man nuh cry and I would certainly remind him about it in better times....just for the laugh. I listened as he cursed her on the one hand for searching his phone and going out of her way to hurt herself, and on the other, thinking aloud about the bills he needed to help her with since the end of the month was here.....WOW. I had to ask if he was sure he wasn't in love......he laughed and chastised me for even thinking it. I continued to listen as he again spoke about her sweet attributes and her flaws. I am convinced I am not good at interpreting stuff in relationships but it sounded like love to me.....mi nuh mek him none the wiser still, mi jus' mek him gwaan talk.
She and I share a birthday or sign or sumpn' he informed and commented that he should have known better than to mess with her given this fact. I had to question why. Turns out he thinks I am a harsh person in these matters....a budding Player he said. I let it slide cause it wasn't the night to challenge him on that revelation. I summed it up as an erroneous interpretation which I would clarify one day.
At the end of the session (3:00 a.m.) I told him to take all the time he needed cause we all need to take a break sometimes. I can't help thinking about it though....and I concluded that even the greatest of Players get bowled a googly once in a while. This made me feel better about the game I lost and I accept now that life is interesting like that.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Housekeeping Matters
A girlfriend asked me yesterday if I had spoken to Mr. ATL. I remembered speaking (or listening really) to him the previous Sunday and we haven't spoken since.....she asked how come. Should I be calling him more? Why? We have a useful agreement I think, I call when I feel like and so does he.
Mr. ATL is fine, he wants a girl in JA who he can fuck when he visits and I am prepared to be just that......we really don't need to talk too much to sort that out.....the benefits to me are sexual (eventually) and material, and I have no difficulty with that. He knows he cannot call and ask me where I am, have been or will be unless he is in the island or has paid my way to Atlanta and I think he is fine with that.
We are good.....I like this construct, I know what my boundaries are, I expect no surprises, like jealousy, bad vibes etc. and it works. I said it before there's not too much of a game to it, its clear......and I have always advocated clarity being given in these matters.....all I need now is to have a similar construct in JA and I would be good to gone. Sometimes you have to take a break from quasi-monogamy and just be the bitch you are.
Mr. ATL is fine, he wants a girl in JA who he can fuck when he visits and I am prepared to be just that......we really don't need to talk too much to sort that out.....the benefits to me are sexual (eventually) and material, and I have no difficulty with that. He knows he cannot call and ask me where I am, have been or will be unless he is in the island or has paid my way to Atlanta and I think he is fine with that.
We are good.....I like this construct, I know what my boundaries are, I expect no surprises, like jealousy, bad vibes etc. and it works. I said it before there's not too much of a game to it, its clear......and I have always advocated clarity being given in these matters.....all I need now is to have a similar construct in JA and I would be good to gone. Sometimes you have to take a break from quasi-monogamy and just be the bitch you are.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Positive Day
I saw something beautiful today.
I got a glimpse of a Jamaica unmarred by poverty, criminality, high gas prices and all the negatives which relegate this nation to the damning depths of underdevelopment. I saw my people get out of their cars and run like the wind or a Bolt of lightening to the strategically placed big screen TVs which populate the business centres of Kingston, and I was proud to be a part of this momentous occasion. Usain Bolt ran...the entire race....to victory in the 200m men's Olympic finals and I was overcome...partly for the joy his victory brought but largely because I saw nothing but pride on every face in Half-Way-Tree square, nothing but uninhibited patriotism....no one seemed concerned about the price of butter...literally and figuratively....and it was beautiful.
If only we could feel like this...no, be like this for the rest of our existence. If only we could muster similar consensus around the larger issue that is the development of this fine Nation. If only we were as committed to and supportive of all our countrymen at all times......If only we could achieve these things, then we would forever be gold medalists.....but until then I will celebrate the moment given me and it will fever stand out in my mind as an indication of the greatness of this country and will be proof of the possibilities which lie ahead.
I got a glimpse of a Jamaica unmarred by poverty, criminality, high gas prices and all the negatives which relegate this nation to the damning depths of underdevelopment. I saw my people get out of their cars and run like the wind or a Bolt of lightening to the strategically placed big screen TVs which populate the business centres of Kingston, and I was proud to be a part of this momentous occasion. Usain Bolt ran...the entire race....to victory in the 200m men's Olympic finals and I was overcome...partly for the joy his victory brought but largely because I saw nothing but pride on every face in Half-Way-Tree square, nothing but uninhibited patriotism....no one seemed concerned about the price of butter...literally and figuratively....and it was beautiful.
If only we could feel like this...no, be like this for the rest of our existence. If only we could muster similar consensus around the larger issue that is the development of this fine Nation. If only we were as committed to and supportive of all our countrymen at all times......If only we could achieve these things, then we would forever be gold medalists.....but until then I will celebrate the moment given me and it will fever stand out in my mind as an indication of the greatness of this country and will be proof of the possibilities which lie ahead.
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