Breached but not Broken

When I was a child, I dreamed of owning a big cat as a pet....a black panther to be exact. Persons would beseech me to think twice on the subject cause wild animals can never be tamed, even if they're born in captivity...The innate hunting spirit and need to protect territory would erode any attempts at civilizing the big cats..they'd say. My dream has not yet died but I think I have a better appreciation for the ills involved.

I still dream of stroking his chest and tummy and scratching his back on lazy days by the pool while I listen to his deep purr, putting a diamond collar around his neck and walking through the Metropolitan....I read too many Mills and Boon and watched too much James Bond growing up.

I thought of the comparison between Big Cats and Men and the similarities were astounding ..in my mind. If you are sweet to them they muster some sweet sufficient to lull you into a false sense of security that you are and will forever be the one, the only one....they are attentive when playing for the prize and will shield you from all harm, provided it emanates from other men....they make you tea, and snuggle up the length of your body while they sleep hoping to keep you warm....they enjoy the hunt, they play with their food, they have puppy dog eyes when caught in an act....but ultimately, one can never predict the actions of the Cat nor can one have expectation of behaviour or respect....a Leopard can never change its spots.

In life one learns to live, love and hopefully learn the lessons from the experiences. It molds and shapes us into who we are, what we believe the strength we exhibit, but for once I wish a man could prove me wrong and indeed be who you think he is, do what you thought he would, mean what he says, not give you the satisfaction of saying "I told you so"....I've always said a woman should know here limits and my age prevent me from pulling the wool over my own eyes once you slip, you slide.

Little sins after all become big ones....in the end being intuitive and unable to settle is a curse...defences up once again.