Devaluation

In a previous time in my life I spent way too many hours working...I was in Office by 7:30 most mornings and out by 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. on good days. My friends would chastise me for giving my heart and soul to a government job....but I, because it is my work ethic, gave my all for the greater good of self and Nation.

Today the reality of my situation walked up and slapped me in the face. My eyes are now open. I now know that it matters not the sweat you put in when no one's looking, they still will judge you by the 5 Sick days and 2 Departmental days you've taken for the year. Your commitment is measured by the fact that for the past three months you've recognised that woman was not meant to work 10hrs a day and you try to leave work at 5:30 p.m., your few (very few) long lunches define your entire year and insult is levied when you submit your vacation leave form and your integrity is questioned relative to the number of sick and departmental days your used up because "it seems" you were absent from the job for more days than that.

Its been a while since I've been ANGRY...today I am struggling with two emotions, anger and hurt, cause my accuser should have known better....should have know that you come in at times sick, because you know there are only 3 persons in the very busy Office..that person for whom you've taken your fair share of hits despite your junior Officer designation, tehy should have known better.

As I sit here this evening, still working to meet today's deadlines to ease teh pressure come Monday, I am forced to re-evaluate my situation, to pray for that one business idea that will guarantee my security for life, that idea for a book that will be a best seller....for any straw I can clutch at to uproot myself from this unforgiving Unit...I've had ENOUGH.

Maybe papa Bruce have the right idea to redundant some a wi cause if my contribution can be belittled in this way, imagine those among us who represent the typical "government worker".

Prayer seems far from my heart in this storm, prayer seems very far from my heart, but I will try.