“The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul...”
I’ve always been a praying woman and I’m thankful that my upbringing was grounded in God, albeit against my will at times….Yes, unfortunately it seems my attendance at Church growing up was done under such duress that I was not receptive to much more than the foundation principles of Christianity...they are what I clung to in the past, and are still the rock on which my faith is built today.
By now you all know I find beauty in simplicity, so “Our Father” is still the prayer I say most nights and Psalm 1, 23 and 121 are the passages which resonate most with me…simplicity.
Two days ago I saw a drawing of a hand protruding through the clouds with a rose for a lone girl sitting on the seashore…..it was an aahh inspiring experience and I hoped that day that God would give me a rose……and he did....When I got home I picked the last Julie mango on the tree…twas sweet caaan done, and I gave thanks and smiled most of the rest of the evening.
Last evening I thanked the Lord for two more gifts…one on the side of health, as I’ve been awaiting the results of tests for the past coupla weeks….the Lord kept my mind occupied and my blood pressure reasonably stable throughout the period and I promised Him I'd stay chaste if he delivered good results. On "D-Test Results Day", He gave me a song in my heart and on my lips and enough work to consume my every minute before my appointment….this was good......the results weren’t great but they weren’t the worst and the knowledge was quite liberating…so I lifted up my hands in thanks.
On a leisurely drive to my father’s house said evening I reflected on the Grace given me and I was at peace. When I pulled up to the gate I saw that the painting which I’d wanted to complete for a few weeks now was finally done….It made my heart swell to be so blessed..so I sent up praises again to my shield and protector, the one who gives me rest.
The concept is simple…be faithful to Him and he will be faithful to you and bless you abundantly.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Trust
A buddy on Tagged sent me a beautiful embed yesterday and it took my breath away. T'was a simple picture of a man sleeping on his tummy and his woman sleeping on his back...bodies perfectly formed together in trust...her trust that he will support her completely, and his trust in her to let him do so.
The image unravelled me somewhat as I wondered whether I would ever be capable of reposing such trust in anyone but myself....she seemed so at rest. Currently my journey with Christ in my vessel has been rocky, fraught with obstacles both man made and of evil principalities....my road has been rough and unassisted by my innate flaw to guard my control over self and surroundings selfishly.....Giving In...it seems such a simple thing, but still I procrastinate.
Ordinarily I don't wonder about the Lord's abilities but sometimes I reflect on whether he knows what he has gotten himself into with me...will I really make it? When thoughts like that enter my head I think about the fact that he has never left my side, even when I was more than unholy....I think about the numerous times he touched my heart and I said no, I think about how gracious he had been to keep on trying despite my sins,....So when I am overcome with thoughts of not making it, I think about the lesson of the stone that the builder refused, and how same became the corner stone...and I am comforted.
Now when I am engulfed by doubt I thank him for where he took me to in order to raise me up and where he will lead me if I just trust him to direct my every path even when the controlling I in Me blocks my resting in his safety....he will not give up on me so its the least I can do to keep on trying to keep his commandments.
The image unravelled me somewhat as I wondered whether I would ever be capable of reposing such trust in anyone but myself....she seemed so at rest. Currently my journey with Christ in my vessel has been rocky, fraught with obstacles both man made and of evil principalities....my road has been rough and unassisted by my innate flaw to guard my control over self and surroundings selfishly.....Giving In...it seems such a simple thing, but still I procrastinate.
Ordinarily I don't wonder about the Lord's abilities but sometimes I reflect on whether he knows what he has gotten himself into with me...will I really make it? When thoughts like that enter my head I think about the fact that he has never left my side, even when I was more than unholy....I think about the numerous times he touched my heart and I said no, I think about how gracious he had been to keep on trying despite my sins,....So when I am overcome with thoughts of not making it, I think about the lesson of the stone that the builder refused, and how same became the corner stone...and I am comforted.
Now when I am engulfed by doubt I thank him for where he took me to in order to raise me up and where he will lead me if I just trust him to direct my every path even when the controlling I in Me blocks my resting in his safety....he will not give up on me so its the least I can do to keep on trying to keep his commandments.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Big Up All Di Bredren Dem
I watched a big silver moon raise up in the sky last night....a Smirnoff Apple Vodka and tonic water drink in my hand and a beautifully crisp, cool night...and I reflected on my earlier conversation who I now accept as a bredren.
Being easy with someone is a blessing...we spoke about 'politricks', expecting the worst at all times to avoid disappointment in life, women's sensitivity when they catch their man ogling another woman's ass, we spoke about the main bits and pieces of our lives 3 weeks prior and the virtues of free weights muscle building as against the weaker muscle toned by machines...a concept I'm beginning to agree with.
We talked on and on about the miseducation of the J'can youths by the dancehall Kings whose messages we feel should convey "guh tek yuh book suh yuh nuh haffi pack bag inna di supermarket and get vex wid people like a dem mek yuh idle out yuh future pan di streets"...we were particularly hard on Vybz Kartel cause he's actually a lot more astute than people would think.....we spoke about everything and nothing and it was quite liberating to be this comfortable with a dude I'm not fucking, anymore.
Of course initially the odd reference to our hot bodies passionately connecting and connecting entered the conversation with pointed reminders of how sexy I am and how hard his body is...But I suppressed the images of his naked torso and strong arms while crossing my legs to quell the rising fire there and was successful in remaining focused on friendship....which is too a blessing.
So I tip my hat, I curtsey to a bredren who was there when I needed him to be just that...give thanks.
Being easy with someone is a blessing...we spoke about 'politricks', expecting the worst at all times to avoid disappointment in life, women's sensitivity when they catch their man ogling another woman's ass, we spoke about the main bits and pieces of our lives 3 weeks prior and the virtues of free weights muscle building as against the weaker muscle toned by machines...a concept I'm beginning to agree with.
We talked on and on about the miseducation of the J'can youths by the dancehall Kings whose messages we feel should convey "guh tek yuh book suh yuh nuh haffi pack bag inna di supermarket and get vex wid people like a dem mek yuh idle out yuh future pan di streets"...we were particularly hard on Vybz Kartel cause he's actually a lot more astute than people would think.....we spoke about everything and nothing and it was quite liberating to be this comfortable with a dude I'm not fucking, anymore.
Of course initially the odd reference to our hot bodies passionately connecting and connecting entered the conversation with pointed reminders of how sexy I am and how hard his body is...But I suppressed the images of his naked torso and strong arms while crossing my legs to quell the rising fire there and was successful in remaining focused on friendship....which is too a blessing.
So I tip my hat, I curtsey to a bredren who was there when I needed him to be just that...give thanks.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Praises to the Great I Am
A clear blue, cloud streaked sky greeted me this morning as I dashed off to work....how pleasant it was to sit in the car park and send up praises to a God whom I wish I could be as faithful to as he is to me. The knowledge that through all things in life God will be there with you, never to leave your side, always to seek one sheep which has strayed from the flock, always to keep his promises unto you as he did Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, never changing...T'is empowering.
How can I let Him down....He's so good to me.
How can I let Him down....He's so good to me.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Lust
Its been a while since I’ve placed a man's hand in my lap and aimlessly traced the outline of his fingers and palm…lovingly, tantalizingly. Its been awhile since I’ve taken his cheeks between my hands and looked deeply…almost lovingly into his lust glazed eyes. Its been a while since I’ve hovered my lips within tasting distance of his lips and felt the heat of his ragged breath or just….wait for a kiss. Its been a while since I’ve felt that quickening of my heart upon sight of his big bare chest, or the tingling in my groin as he delivers a firm first kiss….Today, with rain threatening outside, sleep willing me to return to bed and a fire in the pit of my stomach that I cannot extinguish, I am again, down on my knees.
My prayer however is not to stay my two feet that I don’t run off to a willing soul, but that I could help myself to minimal relief….masturbation was a dear friend to me, and now I cannot muster forgiveness of me if I partake…cause its reeeally been a while.
I miss pinning him to a wall spreading his thighs with mine and grinding my hips into his growing excitement…I miss feeling his firm hands grasp my waist, holding me in place…I miss a man responding to my antics. I miss watching the look on his face as I guide his hands under my panties to my wet, hard clit…begging him to…squeeze. I miss my mini faucet-like response. It has been a looong time….since I’ve felt his rushed hands strip me naked, fumble to put on a condom and spread my thighs to deliver 8 hard inches of hot, thick pulsing flesh….its been such a long time since a man has nibbled at my nipples, rubbed his dick between my breasts, kissed my lips with the remnant juices from my ……
Its been a while.
Its been a while since a man has demonstrated his power over me…its been a while since I’ve been made to submit, to moan oh shit when his dick touches the womb unexpectedly… to look forward to more and more….its been a while since I’ve had to place a hand between our bodies to ease the force of his thrusting…its been a while since I ‘ve benefited from the further force that action elicits (really, really miss this)…its been a while since I felt that growing crescendo which prompts lude, cum provoking nothings to escape my mouth…God its been a while since I’ve really been fucked.
I’ve heard it said that no sin is greater than another, but deep down I don’t believe, cause murder, adultery, fornication and white lies, cannot be weighed similarly…..the habit of lying one can dispense with in a heartbeat, fornication and adultery knock constantly on your door however, and takes a lot more than heartbeats to dispel…and murder, to me, is the mother of all sins, for it is hard for me to believe that the Father and the Son would treat lightly with this sin which destroys a being for whom their love flows eternally….all sins cannot tip the scale therefore with the same recompense…….as you can see, the Lord has a lot more work to do in me…but I shall overcome....eventually.
My prayer however is not to stay my two feet that I don’t run off to a willing soul, but that I could help myself to minimal relief….masturbation was a dear friend to me, and now I cannot muster forgiveness of me if I partake…cause its reeeally been a while.
I miss pinning him to a wall spreading his thighs with mine and grinding my hips into his growing excitement…I miss feeling his firm hands grasp my waist, holding me in place…I miss a man responding to my antics. I miss watching the look on his face as I guide his hands under my panties to my wet, hard clit…begging him to…squeeze. I miss my mini faucet-like response. It has been a looong time….since I’ve felt his rushed hands strip me naked, fumble to put on a condom and spread my thighs to deliver 8 hard inches of hot, thick pulsing flesh….its been such a long time since a man has nibbled at my nipples, rubbed his dick between my breasts, kissed my lips with the remnant juices from my ……
Its been a while.
Its been a while since a man has demonstrated his power over me…its been a while since I’ve been made to submit, to moan oh shit when his dick touches the womb unexpectedly… to look forward to more and more….its been a while since I’ve had to place a hand between our bodies to ease the force of his thrusting…its been a while since I ‘ve benefited from the further force that action elicits (really, really miss this)…its been a while since I felt that growing crescendo which prompts lude, cum provoking nothings to escape my mouth…God its been a while since I’ve really been fucked.
I’ve heard it said that no sin is greater than another, but deep down I don’t believe, cause murder, adultery, fornication and white lies, cannot be weighed similarly…..the habit of lying one can dispense with in a heartbeat, fornication and adultery knock constantly on your door however, and takes a lot more than heartbeats to dispel…and murder, to me, is the mother of all sins, for it is hard for me to believe that the Father and the Son would treat lightly with this sin which destroys a being for whom their love flows eternally….all sins cannot tip the scale therefore with the same recompense…….as you can see, the Lord has a lot more work to do in me…but I shall overcome....eventually.
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