This and That

Last week was a learning experience...In bible study class I was reminded of why I didn't quite appreciate Church Folk; funeral was Saturday and that took a lot out of me; and I missed enjoying the rainy Sunday morning under the covers.

Church people are sometimes hypocrites and this was borne out on Wednesday as I listened to the speaker mock and the congregation laugh at the beliefs of Rastafarians and Muslims. While I don't claim to be an authority on the bible nor do I think my relationship with the most high is greater than any of my brethren, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of disgust as they laughed....I don't recall Jesus laughing at anyone even the gentiles....I don't recall him preaching that we should chastise our brothers for their alternate views but instead to seek with all our hearts to educate them, I remember reading how he asked the Samarian woman for water, something that no Jew would ever do, I remember him putting the solders ear back on after one of his disciples chopped it off....needless to say I was not pleased with my peoples......

The funeral was preceded by a set up at which we made the best of our time reflecting on Ratty's life and using his example to prescribe changes we would make in our own lives recognising that time is too short for a lot of foolishness that we allow to intervene in our happiness (like a 9-5 job, or not spending enough time with our children) it was a long night. At the church on the Hill we paid our last respects to the man that was, and I was fine until a slide show of who he was as a father and policeman started playing, and then I lost it somewhat as I watched clip after clip of him and his kids, his bredrens made happy by hat magnificent smile. All was getting back to well as I listened to the JCF Choir (who were pretty darn good), then his sons took the stage and I admired the eloquence of the nine year old as he bid good morning to the clergy and " all other protocols observed" to the rest of us. Sadness began to rise once more as I thought about the fact that he would now grow without the care and direction of the father...and I was doing really well until he reminisced about going to the beach with his Dad, questioning God for taking the "best Father in the world" and the fact that he would have to be the light for his little brother to keep the memories of his father alive in both their hearts...I lost it then.....I was not pleased. After paying my respects to his wife a few of us got together at my girlfriend's house and we lymed and drank our sorrows away.

Sunday morning I awoke groggy but committed to going to Church since I had asked the Praise Team to do a particular song for me that day. They Did and it was worth my missing out on spending the rainy morning wrapped in my sheets watching time drift slowly by....it was a day of rest and reflection as well....RIP Ratty, your smile lit the hearts of many.

Devaluation

In a previous time in my life I spent way too many hours working...I was in Office by 7:30 most mornings and out by 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. on good days. My friends would chastise me for giving my heart and soul to a government job....but I, because it is my work ethic, gave my all for the greater good of self and Nation.

Today the reality of my situation walked up and slapped me in the face. My eyes are now open. I now know that it matters not the sweat you put in when no one's looking, they still will judge you by the 5 Sick days and 2 Departmental days you've taken for the year. Your commitment is measured by the fact that for the past three months you've recognised that woman was not meant to work 10hrs a day and you try to leave work at 5:30 p.m., your few (very few) long lunches define your entire year and insult is levied when you submit your vacation leave form and your integrity is questioned relative to the number of sick and departmental days your used up because "it seems" you were absent from the job for more days than that.

Its been a while since I've been ANGRY...today I am struggling with two emotions, anger and hurt, cause my accuser should have known better....should have know that you come in at times sick, because you know there are only 3 persons in the very busy Office..that person for whom you've taken your fair share of hits despite your junior Officer designation, tehy should have known better.

As I sit here this evening, still working to meet today's deadlines to ease teh pressure come Monday, I am forced to re-evaluate my situation, to pray for that one business idea that will guarantee my security for life, that idea for a book that will be a best seller....for any straw I can clutch at to uproot myself from this unforgiving Unit...I've had ENOUGH.

Maybe papa Bruce have the right idea to redundant some a wi cause if my contribution can be belittled in this way, imagine those among us who represent the typical "government worker".

Prayer seems far from my heart in this storm, prayer seems very far from my heart, but I will try.

Love is Lovely

First thing first...let me apologize to the West Indies cricket team for turning on the tele, seeing they were 85runs for 1 wicket and deciding to kick up my heels with a glass of coconut water and watch...clinging to that thread of hope that Saturday would have been the day that our "makeshift" (this was how a BBC reporter described them) cricket team would prove their worth to the world. ......It wasn't.

My humble apologies lads and supporters for any bad mojo I might have brought.

Secondly, I wanted to stop by here to bless up everyone and wish for you all a lovely day and week.

"What's gotten into her"? You may be thinking...and the answer is simple...today I am filled with the glory of God.

I sat in church yesterday having awakened to a beautiful morning, where birds sang loudly and the breeze rustled through the leaves of the almond tree out back, a morning where my body felt 90% better and my mind was at rest, a day when my older brother surprised me with his actions...proving that there is indeed a God and he does answer prayers...a day when I felt God's spirit in church as I worshipped and gave thanks (to me he appears always in the form of a light breeze...I know it sounds crazy but it is what I believe it is). So the love in me is overflowing today and I wanted to share it with all my peeps...Bless up.

Gonna hit Tagged and Facebook and maybe even Myspace now.

Never Question the Big Man

Tired...Drained...Weak....overall diagnosis...Unwell but recovering. My questioning of God was rewarded with illness and a trip to the hospital for emergency treatment Sunday night...endometriosis and lack of faith are a near lethal combination. I survived though, by the grace of God....and coconut water to lower my blood pressure.

I'm giving thanks today cause it could always be worse. Thanks to a pleasant..ish Dr and really nice nurses at Andrews Memorial Hospital - I was wheeled in and managed to walk out (upright) two hours later...My sistren cheered me on and was like a little 'ill-health Gnome' as I writhed in pain, waiting for the combination of "good drugs" to kick in....she was funny and I give thanks for people with a sense of humour....Thanks too to the policemen we met at the gas station buying coffee and Magnum Tonic Wine, as I treated myself to a little sweet...not a laughing matter, I found the energy to chastise the lot...Thanks to cable TV which was my refuge as I tiptoed in and out of sleep for two days and caught a few good programmes....Thanks for 24hour days, any longer and I would be writing a different kinda blog (one of these days I will learn how to rest)....Thanks to coconut water which really works wonders for relieving the blood vessel bursting pressure behind the eyes and up the nape of the neck...Thanks for sick days.....Thanks for life.

"In everything give thanks for it is God's will in Christ concerning you"....Thessalonian 1 5 vs 18

Melancholy

Sometimes the circumstances of life overwhelm, discourage, and ravage your spirit sufficient to let you border on questioning the Big Man.....As I walked into my Office this morning the friendly groundsman on whom I can always rely for a smile, gave me a bright good morning and a note that "life goes on"...how true it is too.

Yesterday I got bad news about my best friend's adopted brother...he died. 37 yrs old, leaving wife, son (18mths) and other son (9 yrs old).....a heavy drinker and all round good time guy, no saint by any stretch of the imagination, a non-smoker, diagnosed with lung cancer three months prior. When I heard of his illness I bowed my head and lifted my voice, hands and soul in prayer for him to survive cancer, to not be stripped of the joy of watching his children grow and transform into men, the way I watched him. I prayed that the Lord would show me through him the strength of my mustard seed faith, I prayed hard and long.

Technically, it wasn't the cancer that got him in the end but a chest infection brought on by the macho facade of the Jamaican male which convinced him that though having undergone surgery less than 6 weeks ago to remove the affected lung, and bolstered no doubt by the Drs determination that he didn't even need radiation treatment, he could chance a run to the car in light rain with it not penetrating his superman shroud. He was wrong. Now two boys are left to remember their father through pictures in a family album.

I must admit my faith was shaken and I even possible was cross to think that I trusted God to deliver him from cancer and this was result. I was broken and I prayed and asked why? Was my prayer found wanting in some way, was I not specific enough? WHY? Then a friend whispered to me that"...God answers prayers according to his will."...so I have concluded that he did answer my prayer and delivered the yout from the clutches of cancer but there was other business between them that I could not have foreseen and rebuked.

Life Goes on, according to the will of God, we are powerless in the game......RIP "Ratty" beloved father, husband, brother, bredren.

I am happy today is Friday, and that tomorrow will close this week's chapter of death.....RIP Trevor Rhone as well...I remember badly acting out a scene from Old Story time for literature class in 4th form...A true representative of the spirit of Jamaica is no more.

I wish for all who read this a blessing today and forever more...life is too fleeting for us to take lightly, give your lives to the Lord before its too late and love and live fully for you know not his plan for your life.