Love is Lovely

First thing first...let me apologize to the West Indies cricket team for turning on the tele, seeing they were 85runs for 1 wicket and deciding to kick up my heels with a glass of coconut water and watch...clinging to that thread of hope that Saturday would have been the day that our "makeshift" (this was how a BBC reporter described them) cricket team would prove their worth to the world. ......It wasn't.

My humble apologies lads and supporters for any bad mojo I might have brought.

Secondly, I wanted to stop by here to bless up everyone and wish for you all a lovely day and week.

"What's gotten into her"? You may be thinking...and the answer is simple...today I am filled with the glory of God.

I sat in church yesterday having awakened to a beautiful morning, where birds sang loudly and the breeze rustled through the leaves of the almond tree out back, a morning where my body felt 90% better and my mind was at rest, a day when my older brother surprised me with his actions...proving that there is indeed a God and he does answer prayers...a day when I felt God's spirit in church as I worshipped and gave thanks (to me he appears always in the form of a light breeze...I know it sounds crazy but it is what I believe it is). So the love in me is overflowing today and I wanted to share it with all my peeps...Bless up.

Gonna hit Tagged and Facebook and maybe even Myspace now.

Never Question the Big Man

Tired...Drained...Weak....overall diagnosis...Unwell but recovering. My questioning of God was rewarded with illness and a trip to the hospital for emergency treatment Sunday night...endometriosis and lack of faith are a near lethal combination. I survived though, by the grace of God....and coconut water to lower my blood pressure.

I'm giving thanks today cause it could always be worse. Thanks to a pleasant..ish Dr and really nice nurses at Andrews Memorial Hospital - I was wheeled in and managed to walk out (upright) two hours later...My sistren cheered me on and was like a little 'ill-health Gnome' as I writhed in pain, waiting for the combination of "good drugs" to kick in....she was funny and I give thanks for people with a sense of humour....Thanks too to the policemen we met at the gas station buying coffee and Magnum Tonic Wine, as I treated myself to a little sweet...not a laughing matter, I found the energy to chastise the lot...Thanks to cable TV which was my refuge as I tiptoed in and out of sleep for two days and caught a few good programmes....Thanks for 24hour days, any longer and I would be writing a different kinda blog (one of these days I will learn how to rest)....Thanks to coconut water which really works wonders for relieving the blood vessel bursting pressure behind the eyes and up the nape of the neck...Thanks for sick days.....Thanks for life.

"In everything give thanks for it is God's will in Christ concerning you"....Thessalonian 1 5 vs 18

Melancholy

Sometimes the circumstances of life overwhelm, discourage, and ravage your spirit sufficient to let you border on questioning the Big Man.....As I walked into my Office this morning the friendly groundsman on whom I can always rely for a smile, gave me a bright good morning and a note that "life goes on"...how true it is too.

Yesterday I got bad news about my best friend's adopted brother...he died. 37 yrs old, leaving wife, son (18mths) and other son (9 yrs old).....a heavy drinker and all round good time guy, no saint by any stretch of the imagination, a non-smoker, diagnosed with lung cancer three months prior. When I heard of his illness I bowed my head and lifted my voice, hands and soul in prayer for him to survive cancer, to not be stripped of the joy of watching his children grow and transform into men, the way I watched him. I prayed that the Lord would show me through him the strength of my mustard seed faith, I prayed hard and long.

Technically, it wasn't the cancer that got him in the end but a chest infection brought on by the macho facade of the Jamaican male which convinced him that though having undergone surgery less than 6 weeks ago to remove the affected lung, and bolstered no doubt by the Drs determination that he didn't even need radiation treatment, he could chance a run to the car in light rain with it not penetrating his superman shroud. He was wrong. Now two boys are left to remember their father through pictures in a family album.

I must admit my faith was shaken and I even possible was cross to think that I trusted God to deliver him from cancer and this was result. I was broken and I prayed and asked why? Was my prayer found wanting in some way, was I not specific enough? WHY? Then a friend whispered to me that"...God answers prayers according to his will."...so I have concluded that he did answer my prayer and delivered the yout from the clutches of cancer but there was other business between them that I could not have foreseen and rebuked.

Life Goes on, according to the will of God, we are powerless in the game......RIP "Ratty" beloved father, husband, brother, bredren.

I am happy today is Friday, and that tomorrow will close this week's chapter of death.....RIP Trevor Rhone as well...I remember badly acting out a scene from Old Story time for literature class in 4th form...A true representative of the spirit of Jamaica is no more.

I wish for all who read this a blessing today and forever more...life is too fleeting for us to take lightly, give your lives to the Lord before its too late and love and live fully for you know not his plan for your life.

Kinks in my Armour

One thing I like about my new life is the ability to spot the Devil's antics from a mile away...yesterday I was feeling lonely, unloved really, and I prayed to God to show me that I was loved. By midday I checked my e-mail to find an epistle from Boogie reminiscing about me and him....how we would have spent the rainy day Sunday...you know, the good stuff.

I was actually pretty cool with the e-mail and responded with like comments but was sure to point out that everything and everyone is in our lives for a reason and a season, ours had passed. The lessons from it though I think I will always remember but, there is no doubt in my mind that my deep feelings for him have passed.

The day before I received a call from my body builder and he was very clear on what he wanted from me and how.....He brings a smile to my face though cause I know he respects my choice anyway and wouldn't jeopardize our friendship by forcing his will on me, afterall, I did tell him not to focus too much energy on me because of my commitment to the Cross. So I am fresh out of options for Hugs cause he has been upfront with me that it would not stop there :( Its a pity, I could use a good one, topped off with a kiss on the forehead...what can I say, Boogie spoiled me with that stuff so from time to time instead of physical intimacy, that's all I need.

I won't pray today for the hug though, the Devil may overhear and devise my downfall and at this point I cannot afford to be moved.....mi haffi gwaan hold mi Order.

A Father's Gifts

“The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul...”

I’ve always been a praying woman and I’m thankful that my upbringing was grounded in God, albeit against my will at times….Yes, unfortunately it seems my attendance at Church growing up was done under such duress that I was not receptive to much more than the foundation principles of Christianity...they are what I clung to in the past, and are still the rock on which my faith is built today.

By now you all know I find beauty in simplicity, so “Our Father” is still the prayer I say most nights and Psalm 1, 23 and 121 are the passages which resonate most with me…simplicity.

Two days ago I saw a drawing of a hand protruding through the clouds with a rose for a lone girl sitting on the seashore…..it was an aahh inspiring experience and I hoped that day that God would give me a rose……and he did....When I got home I picked the last Julie mango on the tree…twas sweet caaan done, and I gave thanks and smiled most of the rest of the evening.

Last evening I thanked the Lord for two more gifts…one on the side of health, as I’ve been awaiting the results of tests for the past coupla weeks….the Lord kept my mind occupied and my blood pressure reasonably stable throughout the period and I promised Him I'd stay chaste if he delivered good results. On "D-Test Results Day", He gave me a song in my heart and on my lips and enough work to consume my every minute before my appointment….this was good......the results weren’t great but they weren’t the worst and the knowledge was quite liberating…so I lifted up my hands in thanks.

On a leisurely drive to my father’s house said evening I reflected on the Grace given me and I was at peace. When I pulled up to the gate I saw that the painting which I’d wanted to complete for a few weeks now was finally done….It made my heart swell to be so blessed..so I sent up praises again to my shield and protector, the one who gives me rest.

The concept is simple…be faithful to Him and he will be faithful to you and bless you abundantly.

Trust

A buddy on Tagged sent me a beautiful embed yesterday and it took my breath away. T'was a simple picture of a man sleeping on his tummy and his woman sleeping on his back...bodies perfectly formed together in trust...her trust that he will support her completely, and his trust in her to let him do so.

The image unravelled me somewhat as I wondered whether I would ever be capable of reposing such trust in anyone but myself....she seemed so at rest. Currently my journey with Christ in my vessel has been rocky, fraught with obstacles both man made and of evil principalities....my road has been rough and unassisted by my innate flaw to guard my control over self and surroundings selfishly.....Giving In...it seems such a simple thing, but still I procrastinate.

Ordinarily I don't wonder about the Lord's abilities but sometimes I reflect on whether he knows what he has gotten himself into with me...will I really make it? When thoughts like that enter my head I think about the fact that he has never left my side, even when I was more than unholy....I think about the numerous times he touched my heart and I said no, I think about how gracious he had been to keep on trying despite my sins,....So when I am overcome with thoughts of not making it, I think about the lesson of the stone that the builder refused, and how same became the corner stone...and I am comforted.

Now when I am engulfed by doubt I thank him for where he took me to in order to raise me up and where he will lead me if I just trust him to direct my every path even when the controlling I in Me blocks my resting in his safety....he will not give up on me so its the least I can do to keep on trying to keep his commandments.

Big Up All Di Bredren Dem

I watched a big silver moon raise up in the sky last night....a Smirnoff Apple Vodka and tonic water drink in my hand and a beautifully crisp, cool night...and I reflected on my earlier conversation who I now accept as a bredren.

Being easy with someone is a blessing...we spoke about 'politricks', expecting the worst at all times to avoid disappointment in life, women's sensitivity when they catch their man ogling another woman's ass, we spoke about the main bits and pieces of our lives 3 weeks prior and the virtues of free weights muscle building as against the weaker muscle toned by machines...a concept I'm beginning to agree with.

We talked on and on about the miseducation of the J'can youths by the dancehall Kings whose messages we feel should convey "guh tek yuh book suh yuh nuh haffi pack bag inna di supermarket and get vex wid people like a dem mek yuh idle out yuh future pan di streets"...we were particularly hard on Vybz Kartel cause he's actually a lot more astute than people would think.....we spoke about everything and nothing and it was quite liberating to be this comfortable with a dude I'm not fucking, anymore.

Of course initially the odd reference to our hot bodies passionately connecting and connecting entered the conversation with pointed reminders of how sexy I am and how hard his body is...But I suppressed the images of his naked torso and strong arms while crossing my legs to quell the rising fire there and was successful in remaining focused on friendship....which is too a blessing.

So I tip my hat, I curtsey to a bredren who was there when I needed him to be just that...give thanks.

Praises to the Great I Am

A clear blue, cloud streaked sky greeted me this morning as I dashed off to work....how pleasant it was to sit in the car park and send up praises to a God whom I wish I could be as faithful to as he is to me. The knowledge that through all things in life God will be there with you, never to leave your side, always to seek one sheep which has strayed from the flock, always to keep his promises unto you as he did Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, never changing...T'is empowering.

How can I let Him down....He's so good to me.