LENT

Wednesday marked the beginning of 40 days of temptation and while I couldn't claim to have any likeness to the great overcomer, I believe that every one of us has a chance to be saved by his father. We all through God's help can say with confidence "Get thee behind me Satan".

Ash Wednesday caught me engrossed in thought about me...my lack of patience and my seeming endless intolerance for every thing around me. In true celebration of Christianity however I pondered what to give up for the season. In years gone by my first guess would have been "sex" but with very little of that taking place right now I figure I shouldn't push the envelop on that subject lest I forget the feel and taste of this sport. I chose therefore the lesser evil....taking a break from all my distractions. I prayed on it and hoped that these 4o days would pass like many before, unnoticed, unspectacular...very run of the mill. I should've known better.

Sometimes its difficult for me to not think that there is a place reserved in heaven for me should I decide to surrender to the Lord fully, cause no sooner I had made this resolution did I recall that I by simply wanting to be better, would be bombarded by serpentine plots to steal my blessing. This time was no different.

In the weeks past I have been a good enough girl, I think. I have played with some buddies but only with words nothing physical. I have also been very clear on the fact that I am playing so my bredrens ought not to have construed any depth from my behaviour. Of late therefore I have found myself longing for experienced hands to rock my body....so I have been focusing on Mr. ATL. No sooner did I have a in mind to book a ticket to New York to exorcise my demons, did First Love decide to come to visit and demand to see me. I did the math and it seemed safe to agree to meet for a drink in his two day stint cause I would have flown out and in by the time he touched down. In the mix also was a planned night of love making with the Body Builder. All was well with the world:)

I should have known that my full social calendar mingled with a promise to the Lord would have resulted in even more stress. I did not expect however:

• That Mr. ATL would piss me off on a point of cash and possessiveness
• That First Love would have had a death in his family which would require him to be here sooner rather than later
• That the Body Builder would become a p---yhole overnight
• And the coup de grace...the Player would call to see if I was now well enough to play

Mi salt.

If this were someone else's life I would be amused slightly, but as I am the one in the hot seat....I'm pissed.

The world was no longer right and as I am immature in my approach to these things usually, I decided to cut off my nose to spite my face....suh mi leggo all a dem. I have some regrets but I know that this was just the beginning, soon even Boogie will torment me and while I know I can dance around the rest, I pray for strength to overcome when he advances

.

We Must Overcome

I have come to the realisation that I am one of those older people who can't stand uppity children...yes, I am now my mother.

On Friday I visited the HWT Bus Station just a half hour after they killed a thief at the entrance on Constant Spring Road. The space was littered with high school children just milling around as if nothing had happened....how hardened we have become to violence, even the youngest of the lot seemed unperturbed by the days happenings and stood resolute in their plans to idle away the Friday evening in joy in the bus park.

I know the area to be dangerous but I needed envelopes so I stopped in to purchase same from the Book shop there. As I waited to be rung up, my eyes drifted to a Young Couple...lost in their own world caressing each other. Now I wouldn't have had a problem if the expressive couple were even 13 years old, but since they barely looked out of second form (8th grade) I was disgusted.

There they were, his hands looped around her ass under her book bag, kneading the mound of flesh......and there she was, her arms similarly looped and staring deeply into his eyes as he whispered sweet nothings (probably the words to "Rampin Shop" cause they think this a display of literary genious' capture of intimate relations) and they were as one. What the.....

Not being one to stand idly by and watch my education tax contribution wasted, upon finishing my transaction I stepped to the love-birds and asked whether they were sure this was the vibe they wanted to perpetrate in the bus park. In salute to me as an Elder, they were quiet and broke the hold....they did not answer however and I'm not sure if it was embarrassment, ignorance or indignation....but I was not deterred, so I asked a follow-up question, to the little hazel eyed girl with her cornrow natural hair giving the impression of a youth with good 'broughtupsy'..."What would your mother say if she knew what you were doing in the bus park?"....at that stage I don't know if it was anger which darkened those hazel discs but her "man" took her by the hand and walked me out. What the.....:)

All that time my friend stood there in disbelief that I would put our lives again at risk. She beseeched me to "Come" as teh ordeal unfolded... she took my hand and trie dto lead me away whispering in a shaky tome "Let's go before they return wid dem bad man friends and bus' wi ass".... I'm not irrational so the wisdom of thsoe words were not lost on me.....I acceded and left the scene.

Our youth are lost....adulthood and childhood seem to have gotten crossed somewhere in the mix in this information age and we are living in a country of undefined roles...it must stop, it will stop, we all have to be the change. A generation of vipers await us in the future if we are not robust in our attack...are these the people you want in charge of your lives in your old age? We must stand.We cannot bend to the wishes of these misguided youth who wish to jump the gun on adulthood and who by virtue of having sex, feel they are one with those who went before......join me and let us mash down that lie.

Dialogue

Communication in a relationship is necessary to retain good relations as you go along the journey. It is important to open up, talk to your partner, convey to him what you want and how you want it.

For those who don’t understand the dialect…I’m sorry….for those who do….enjoy.....

What do you want?

More.

Will you be a good girl if I push it in?

Yes.

Don’t move.

Mmmmm.

Don’t make me slap you, don’t move.

Slap me….please.

God you feel good.

Hit that spot fi mi baby.

Oooww.

Baby.

Suck mi.

Open your mouth.

Mmmmm.

No hands. Just suck it like that…..aaahhh.

Bend over ;-)

Its wet and ready.

Can I fuck this pretty pussy?

Yeeessss strech it fi mi an’ mek it feel good

Stay right there…..good girl…..good girl.

Ohhhhhhh.

I’m gonna cum.

Go down deep and sprinkle mi baby.

Ahhhh.

Not yet.

Right now….cum now…cumm …….cummmm…..Yeah man…cum fi mi….cum pan mi dick

God yuh dick sweet….bruk it in deh fi mi….cum inna mi hole…….Mek di pussy mek yuh cum…fuck it like a big man and cum ………

Good boy…..good boy.

Sleeping Together

If I had the power to change one thing in this world, it would be that the sun would come up at 8:00 a.m. …….For then, time would seemingly stand still and he nor me would have to go to work…too early. It would leave us time in those wee hours to reconnect with each others’ bodies without intercourse. A time to express our….. passion for each.

His hands….all over my body….my head on his chest….. my legs intertwined with his…..his lips on my forehead. That moment would last and so would the feeling of…love/like…..comfort.
I could get the opportunity to…rest with him; to run my fingertips over his chest, to caress each nipple with my tongue, to trail kisses to his neck….. to nuzzle, to kiss….all from the safety of that nook. To kiss him to bed. To align your body so closely to his that his thigh between your legs is soaked…..To whisper sweet nothings in his ear, to watch him fight for control……to see him succeed at that in honour of the intimacy of the moment.….

To feel him in this time is a wonderful thing. To rest atop him just to sleep forms a spiritual connection only a truly greater man could put asunder. To take his arm across your waist, his front to your back, to kiss his fingers, to settle against his body and feel him rise….to shuffle in, to feel him pull you closer….that moment that makes you… exhale.

To roll over in his arms and snuggle in as he kisses your shoulder and neck while still asleep, a reflex action like the throb in your loins at the gentleness he reserves for you in his bed…..This is how men should sleep with their woman.

Making Love is a Process

Pt. I

A whisper was what I heard as he stirred me at 3:00 a.m. this morning to make him feel alive.

‘Spread your legs for me baby……spread your legs”. Light kisses rained down on my breasts, stomach and inner thighs…..mmmmmmm. I tried to put a hand up when he came too close to that spot, that V, but his sticking tongue lulled me into inaction as he sipped and sipped. Before I could remember what I had planned, my legs fell to the sides…open they waited...deceiving me.

Softly as the pressure built into an almost frenzy, I reached for his head, and with Goat T covered in me he asked whether he wasn’t...moving me. “It feels fucking great” was my answer…and I lamented how much he knew me.

With hands rendered useless by this sin I could only scream into a pillow as he stuck his finger in. I prayed my neighbours could hear and listen to how a man should make love to his woman.

“Shhhh” he coached. But how could I remain quiet when everything in me was bursting out, fluids ready to stream from my body into his…..mouth. How could be still?

I decided to let him feel what I was feeling and asked if I could straddle his face….he agreed wholeheartedly……gotta luv a man who is free enough to release his body to me…..mmmmm. I watched as he assumed the position openly and signaled to me when and I watched him then…admiring m handywork and he was beautiful.

I trailed kisses from the side of his neck to his chest and he steered my head to his nipple and moaned a command for me to lick. I flicked and licked the knob and nurtured a rising peak. He was pliant….that was soooo sweet.

With temptation that great I could only indulge, I abandoned my plan of straddling his face and dragged my tongue instead over his stomach and taunt waist. His groan of pleasure was deep and low as I licked the side of the shaft and border of the mushroom head....readying him for the warmth of the back of my throat.

“Can I suck you baby?” I asked with his dick’s head secure between the side of my tongue and cheek. His yes was inaudible but the feel of his hands at the back of my head forcing me down to deliver a deep throat was proof of the yes he said.

I swallowed him whole…..

Depressed

Today is not a good day.

My friends tell me I should "ben' mi min' to mi condition" and accept that I am single and therefore ought not long for moments of intimacy with my own...ish personal man. They drum into my ear more often these days as I lament my ineptitude at settling with that one dude, the need for me to rise above the allure of a dick and learn to live on my own. "Seek ye first the material and frig the emotional", they say.

Today therefore, as much as I try to focus on work, intermittently I reflect on this broken me. While I would love to adopt my friends' militant stance, its hard for me to be that girl. I'm too proud. Its not that I'm not interested in a man's wealth...I hope. Its presence removes so much of the stress from life cause a woman is at her best when she is unencumbered by financial woes.....its just that I like the other stuff too.

Its not only the dick. I like being in a relationship...even if its marred by infidelity, monogamy is a myth. Infidelity is a sideline activity, I like to think, and if he/she stays with you then this confirms it. If he/she goes, then it hurts initially, but one can't help but feel happy eventually that he/she is out of your life and have opened a door to your possible future happiness. I would never destroy years of a relationship because he dipped his dick inna a girl pon the side unless he demonstrated that this girl was who he wanted to be with on a full time basis ...then I have no difficulty stepping away cause I like to be the focus of attention. I would hope too that he would afford me the same consideration.

I miss more than anything, waking up with a man you don't have to put on a face for. I miss some other being knowing how much I love Cheetos and not scoffing at or giving me a lecture on my bad eating habits cause he knows I have a season for Cheetos, as a meal, and it too will pass. I miss the intimacy. I miss going to see his parents or my father together, I miss deciding together which movie to watch or making dinner together...I miss watching him sleep. I miss knowing that when I stray and play its idleness not because I have to.

I guess it serves me right for being how I am in these matters but its a hard pill nonetheless....afterall, I'm just a girl....with stupid emotions.

The good thing though is that this like my Cheetos habit, will pass and next week I will post about my triumph over the "Valentines Day blues" and be refreshed yet again to fight in this cruel, cruel world.

What is Sexy

Sexy is standing between his legs on a moonlit night, intoxicated by the salty smell of the sea and asking him if you could …kiss him.

Sexy is feeling his hands trace the outline of my thighs up to my waist;

Sexy is hoping his hands will never grow tired of touching me….feeling me;

Sexy is bringing my head down to take his lips and tongue and he…responds to my hunger;

Sexy is thrusting my tongue to the back of his throat, searching, tasting all of him;

Sexy is knowing he’s growing hard and stepping away to stay within the boundaries of ‘Bredrendom”

Sexy is him saying fuck that :)

Sexy is when he lifts me into the sky and reaches for my crotch with his mouth;

Sexy is him under me;

Sexy is his moan when his fingers touch my wet p---y for the first time;

Sexy is forcing the him in unguided by the hand….really sexy;

Sexy is straddling him and interlocking my fingers with his to maximize the ride;

Sexy is him holding me fixed atop his lap and under the treatment;

Sexy is breaking him before he wanted to;

Sexy is his body wrapped to his waist in white sheets… asleep after.

Sexy is…..simply, Him

An Offer to Refuse???

I was under an Almond tree, herbally refreshed, when I accepted that I missed being made love to by a Big Man. Why?......cause fulfillment comes with that formula. All your concerns about pleasing him become fodder for him to feed from and he takes you to the moon and back and if you're lucky, up again. He allows you to take him on a journey with your lips and tongue and relaxes under you for as long as you can stand to be the giver of pleasure.

Being a weak being, I opted for a lesser evil than getting the real thing from the man I really wanted but who is…so very bad for me. I played ‘phone buddy’ with a very experienced Him who was many, many miles to the North away.....Thank God. We spoke about better times and good vibes to come in this new year.

We had started as bredrens so he knew enough about me to not take me too seriously, which leaves us to indulge in each other only when its absolutely necessary, when all other options have failed. It’s a symbiotic relationship, I like to think, and he knows so well what to do with my body.

As we chatted he divulged that he always regretted not giving me the one fantasy which has occupied my mind from my first sexual experience… "A threesome" …mmmm. Every partner I’ve ever had knows this….but he, with his permission slip from his wife to do as he pleases as long as he straps up, and his slip to her demanding likewise…he was the only one who came close to fulfilling this dream, an uninhibited soul sexually. Built like a brick wall, he stands 6 ft tall and wears a swagger that shouts from the mountain tops, “I ARE THE ONE” who can bend and eventually break you in.

This man was a carbon copy of my wild side…he and wifey swing, dabble in toys, sex clubs…..you name it. They enjoy every moment of their wedded bliss and this made him off-limits…ish. I’ve always felt that I would get too caught up with the lifestyle and secure a place in Hell with him. He knows how to treat a woman though…all her needs taken care of… provided she asked…that was another problem cause a man shouldn’t allow a woman to stoop to such lows. For a proud girl like me I prefer to not feel like I’m begging. It is understood that men are not mind readers, so they have no idea about what a woman wants or needs unless you tell them, and in some instances you do, however this too still feels like begging. So, in a relationship, I opt for a fix which involves a monthly allowance and in return, I try to keep it interesting sexually.

Anyway, he talked me through a cum and as I regained composure, we settled into an all too familiar grove of banter about who made who cum the most when we were together. It was then that I realized that I missed him…somewhat.

Not being one to sit idly by when a ‘vibes tek mi’, I suggested we rekindle the flame… We agreed that I would fly up one weekend and he would sample me alone for the first day and as a part of a sandwich the next……I got wet immediately.

Do I have reservations…Yes…the health threat is one, but the temptation is so great….then there’s the fact that I may not be as good a condiment in the mix…and the blow that would be to my ego….but the allure is soooo great....

In the end we decided that the threesome would be at my request…I’ll think on it. One thing I know though, I will leave my encounter with him satisfied…the fire extinguished…I would rest in the after glow of him in and on me and I will be spent…just the way I like it to be….the rest would just be gravy.

An Eye Opening Experience

I’ve always been loyal to my country…..I’m no Nanny of the Maroons but I’ve always been Jamaica’s champion, was one of those who wouldn’t stand for external harsh criticism of my ailing State and would seek to slam anyone who did not subscribe to the sun and sand, No Problem veil which the island wore. When things got bad I believed in my people to rise above the pressures of inefficient governance, corruption, cronyism in contract awards and fat cat scandals. They didn’t and to date haven’t, risen up.

The only sliver of hope I had was planted within the confines of complete trust in the generations to come…….. to lead the charge and in fact overcome. I was wrong.

The events of Monday last, broke my heart and signaled the end of my love affair with this island paradise. Now I scour the Canadian immigration website hoping to find my qualification listed so that I can escape to a better border, more productive borders…..colder than a wife scorned, but hope nonetheless.

Monday evening as I and a girlfriend demonstrated a part of the break down in our society by heading into Island Grill in Twin Gates Plaza to feed off partially seasoned chicken and fish and soup to buss di gas, we were accosted by a yout, he couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. “Beg yuh sumpthing miss?” he asked. “Not today sweetheart” I answered and continued on my way.

After taking forever to get the fast food, we walked back to the car, chatting bout dis and dat, until my friend realized her festivals were not packed. I continued my journey, as she rushed back, and settled eventually in the drivers seat waiting to leave to guh eat cause Wolmer’s brainwash mi well, all now I caan eat pon di road.

Eventually I saw her hustle in an almost trot toward the vehicle, the same likkle yout matching her steps, hand outstretched asking, pleading for something. As she bungled into the vehicle I locked us in and proceeded to pull out of the parking space. I came to an immediate halt as the ‘youth’ started banging on the car window….I’m a girl who easy fi cross, especially after my wake-up call at Stewarts to service mi likkle V6…I could only imagine how much it would cost to replace a window, suh mi win’ down di winda an’ tell the yout fi step away before a really get vex.

In my anger I wrapped it up and listened to the roar of the engine as I did my reversing with earnest and pressed out. On approaching the stop light to enter onto Constant Spring Road, my friend said she saw the yout bend down and pick up sumpn. I didn’t believe, cause di yout couldn’t be more than 10 yrs old….’Im couldn’t suh bright. Anger went to fear partially but again, di yout was 10 yrs old and must know seh him cannot piss around wid big people. I was wrong.

I sat at the light watching the yout fume and mumble….mi steel mi nerve, but part a mi did feel it fi ‘im. I grew up poor too, but fimi madda woulda kill mi if she knew seh mi deh a street a beg…..yuh mad. I noticed too that he was looking at the light and then at me, so I followed the same path, watching him , watch me and di light. As I saw green a step inna di car fi guh pon di road. All I coulda si was di yout han’ raise and a stone fly inna the side a di car. In anger, disbelief and a burning need to paan a big stick an bruk it cross him back, I slapped on my hazard, parked in the di middle a di road and alight…..not sure to do what, but that was how vex I was…..Some men started shouting to me “ a weh him duh” then before I could answer, they took off after the likkle yout. Its amazing how Jamaicans can band together in crime, cause is a man up di road hol' him. Di likle yout did sipple, suh him get weh and start run down di road. All this time I was scared stiff and chose to jump back into di vehicle. The likkle yout ran straight into the men running up di road and they proceeded to beat the living daylight outta him. Mi drive weh, cause yout fi know demselves.

I couldn’t help feeling absolute remorse though…I had become one of them. I didn’t stop the beating, I just drove away, not knowing if he survived, afterall, it was jus’ a yout….but mi did vex.

As I pulled into the driveway of my girlfriend’s house, I felt lucky, since there was minimal damage to the car, so I whispered a prayer for my soul and the likkle yout….that was a hard way to learn a lesson. As I uncapped a Heineken to settle my nerves and called a brother, who wished he were here to put on two lick pon di yout to, I struggled for composure.
With no sign of calm returning to me I thought about getting a hug…..being wrapped in a man’s arms to restore the feeling of safety…but then the reality hit…I only had bredrens, who had lives elsewhere and therefore could be unavailable. To call and not get answered would have just pissed me off more, so I suffered in silence.

I will hang up my superwoman cape and accept that the time has come to look to greener pastures even if they are in Recession.

Knowing Oneself

In response to a wicked, wicked man who has challenged me to put thought into " 25 random things about me", I've stretched my mind and realize that I probably don't know a lot about me.

Nonetheless, here goes:

1) Easy to anger
2) Love to love
3) Will eat anything coated in chocolate
4) Proud, Loyal and Impatient
5) Love most of the Arts
6) Not confident enough
7) I'm a workaholic
8) I'm easily bored
9) Not very tolerant of people or crap
10) Sweet nuh backside...if yuh ketch mi pon di right day
11) Hate volunteer work, but would like to contribute to making the world a better place
12) I have a love/hate relationship with the rain
13) Love Chinese food...absolutely love it
14) Have a strong sense of right and wrong but too weak to stay on the straight and narrow
15) Have a good enough voice
16) Love the sea and nature in general
17) Great cook, but hate when its a chore
18) Great sense of humour
19) I'm Lazy mostly
20) Love Ackee and Saltfish...could eat that everyday

For grown ups now.. ;)

21) Love the odour of sex
22) Love getting spanked
23) Its a pleasure to give a blow job
24) Love feeling a man under me
25) Will try most positions at least once

It was easy to write this part...maybe I should ask my stunning friend to tell me 10 sexual things that make him moan :)

A Big Man….(unfinished).

I’ve always appreciated and enjoyed a Big Man’s approach to love making. The term is used loosely to describe a man who is cocky as hell, smooth with an inescapably sweet enough smile to woo your panties off.

For me usually he is built just a little more than enough, over six feet tall, goat tee, confident enough to have a woman on each arm and strut through a room like a King, knowing the women want him and that the men wish they could ignore their partner’s knowing response. He’s usually 35 – 50 years old and someone else’s Boogie, the man she married and will love forever even if it’s over.

There’s just something about a man who can spend 4 hours in a day or night making love to your body and fucking you into exhaustion. He knows how to give you time to ready him and yourself for the task ahead. He is open to position suggestion and a connoisseur of cunnilingus, he aims to please at all costs. His candour is brutal but somehow he manages to make you feel like you’re the only one he has. He makes you think just enough about him when you’re apart and you aren’t quite sure if its his swagger, his slow grind, his tongue or the money he spends. His magnetic pull while in the same room, knowing how sensitive he is to your touch, remembering that slow low groan when you covered his thumb with your lips, signals his power and vulnerability…..he makes sex a priceless treasure. That’s a Big man.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s always space in the mix for a “fucker” too, cause after all, it all ends up in a fuck. But a Big Man knows when to apply the pressure and when to ease back. He challenges you to stay the course, he tells you bullshit as he delivers each stroke (everything but calling me a bitch that one pisses me off), he is not afraid to tell you how hot, wet and good the pussy feels. He, because he knows love making takes time, can break the stride and watch you go down executing a plan to make him moan even louder still…… and A Big man occasionally will.

He knows how to wrap his fingers around your neck and squeeze as you build toward a cum, exerting just enough force to make you excitedly heady.

He knows when to be my man and when to be my bitch……and he enjoys the reversal of the roles cause he also knows that with one stroke he can trade the places.