Ash Wednesday caught me engrossed in thought about me...my lack of patience and my seeming endless intolerance for every thing around me. In true celebration of Christianity however I pondered what to give up for the season. In years gone by my first guess would have been "sex" but with very little of that taking place right now I figure I shouldn't push the envelop on that subject lest I forget the feel and taste of this sport. I chose therefore the lesser evil....taking a break from all my distractions. I prayed on it and hoped that these 4o days would pass like many before, unnoticed, unspectacular...very run of the mill. I should've known better.
Sometimes its difficult for me to not think that there is a place reserved in heaven for me should I decide to surrender to the Lord fully, cause no sooner I had made this resolution did I recall that I by simply wanting to be better, would be bombarded by serpentine plots to steal my blessing. This time was no different.
In the weeks past I have been a good enough girl, I think. I have played with some buddies but only with words nothing physical. I have also been very clear on the fact that I am playing so my bredrens ought not to have construed any depth from my behaviour. Of late therefore I have found myself longing for experienced hands to rock my body....so I have been focusing on Mr. ATL. No sooner did I have a in mind to book a ticket to New York to exorcise my demons, did First Love decide to come to visit and demand to see me. I did the math and it seemed safe to agree to meet for a drink in his two day stint cause I would have flown out and in by the time he touched down. In the mix also was a planned night of love making with the Body Builder. All was well with the world:)
I should have known that my full social calendar mingled with a promise to the Lord would have resulted in even more stress. I did not expect however:
- That Mr. ATL would piss me off on a point of cash and possessiveness
- That First Love would have had a death in his family which would require him to be here sooner rather than later
- That the Body Builder would become a p---yhole overnight
- And the coup de grace...the Player would call to see if I was now well enough to play
Mi salt.
If this were someone else's life I would be amused slightly, but as I am the one in the hot seat....I'm pissed.
The world was no longer right and as I am immature in my approach to these things usually, I decided to cut off my nose to spite my face....suh mi leggo all a dem. I have some regrets but I know that this was just the beginning, soon even Boogie will torment me and while I know I can dance around the rest, I pray for strength to overcome when he advances
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2 comments:
Temptations nuh set like rain! it rough to stay on the straight and narrow.
True thing my brother...true thing.
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