Loss

I am getting tired of people asking me about what accounts for my loss of weight...its annoying to keep repeating the lie of "taking a decision to eat healthier" or "just finally getting a little constructive exercise". I am getting tired of people using me as a beacon, a role model, for effecting personal change......but how does one slip into polite convcersation that you are gourging yourself on a steady diet of brokenheart and a conscious decision to stop fucking, and fucking around so frivolously so that the puss and dog them weh a tek libatty cause dem know seh dem did play yuh can stop be so damn smug....it doesn't quite seem something people would want to consume and digest.

So I tell a half truth and peoples are motivated….I am motivated, to eat healthier and get more exercise…..it all works out in the end…..this may be the one constructive contribution I make to mankind.

They don’t have to know you consider the heart as comprising only two chambers……one half takes care of the mundane task of keeping the body functions going…..but its the other half that really keeps you alive…..in this chamber love resides……no human can exist without the nourishment this chamber provides……in this chamber our capacity for relationships abide, and relationships are the life blood of the livity, whether family, friendships or otherwise (I could find no one word to convey the depth of emotion required to categorize the man/woman interaction).

If both chambers are functioning efficiently then the human is whole, constructively functional, lucid, uninterrupted. This is why God is so good, cause only a loving God could set it so that one half of the heart would always function at 60% while you process the emptiness you feel when there is no love….yeah, he has made it so you can maintain some operational effectiveness which could be construed to be a life while you pick up the pieces and grow up a little….God truly is a good God……if only he could make it so that not loving Boogie wouldn’t hurt so much…..then I could actually entertain other options….in a non-destructive manner.

He doesn’t even talk to me anymore, and I think its unfair……I mean, Tuesday I was sick all day and in the night when I thought the pain would break me in two, I called….he didn’t answer. In days gone by he would have been by my side quicker than I could think possible……he doesn’t love me anymore…..he is still the only one I think of running to if I’m in need….he would rub my tummy and make me soup….how then can he not care if I'm sick...how could he not love me anymore......he won’t even give me a chance to explain……