Obedience

How do you stop loving someone you've always loved?

Yesterday he wasn't fully well and I left for home early cause I was "poka, poka" (not very sick but not well). It was good, he came to visit and we made dinner. We talked and laughed and tried our utmost to stay within the friendship parameters. It was challenging though for me......usually I am not amused to have a man lay down beside me and do nothing else, I mean.....why are you in bed with me then?......I always knew though that I had no use for a sick man worse now, when I am under such pressure to stay focused on the bredren thing.

As he slept he pulled me close to him, my back against his front, and it felt good until I felt the old familiar feelings, then I got cross, angry and miserable......I shimmied out of his embrace and repaired to the living room so that I could play by the rules....he didn't seem overly perturbed by my action and that just made it worse.....it seems so easy for him to be my friend.....I wish I were as good as him at this.