For everything there is a season

Sometimes somethings hurt a lot more than you thought they would, then you are caught off guard and lack the capacity to deal effectively with it. Sometimes some people piss you off with one word, and you are unable to explain how or why it riles you up.

I need a break from this island and some of the people in it. It was a horrid week where I did some things I shouldn't have, said some things I didn't really, really mean and agreed to something I ought not to have. I've determined that men have a good reason to be afraid of women round about that time of the month....we should go back to the Arawak days and institute a mandatory separation of women who are afflicted for the duration of their affliction. Its just the most confusing time.

On Tuesday I got to work okay and was doing fine until the wheels started to turn on how I could make contact but still save face......I had to go see one of the Player's underlings so I had hoped to capitalise on the stroke of luck and play around with him a little. He wasn't in Office. Though that was disappointing I accepted it as the father working on my behalf so it was all good.

It was like I was on the prowl though, so like any other animal searching to find sustenance, I stopped by Boogie and fucked with him for a while.....a little piece during work hours is always exhilarating. On my way back to work Player called and gave me a song and dance before getting to the real issue, whether I was with or could deliver a message to my boss. I'm only human so a little anger did rise, but what to do you win some and you lose some. I delivered his message and tried to call him back to indicate as much, not sure why I wanted to do that, but he didn't answer and again I yielded to the superior power at work.

As the day dragged on and I settled into doing some real work, my phone rang.....it was First Love. We had great dialogue which ended with him asking if I could meet him in Atlanta in two weeks. I wasn't too big on the idea, cause you never know with him, he could decide to play by the rules as well as he could rip them to shreds and burn them in front of your eyes, prior to bedding you down with simple sweet force....what can I say, I like a little roughness. I told him I would think about it.

No sooner had I hung up from him did I get a call from my recently converted bredren/friend.....I decided to tread lightly with him cause he has been weird about the whole thing......I no longer get to talk to him about everything, he no longer makes reasonably frequent contact (of course it has crossed my mind that maybe all this time was spent trying to get into my pants and now that he had succeeded there was no need to continue the pretence) I don't like this interpretation much, but what to do if that's what it is.....He keeps calling on a number that I have told him I am about to retire, the phone is hardly ever charged....then he doesn't leave a message cause I guess he's in a huff, and when I make contact after a while he doesn't answer or he's really matter of fact until he articulates that he had tried to get me a few weeks back.......why can't he be like the Player, at least he answers intermitently and gave me time, with relative courtesy and honour, to expel the infatuation from my system....men are too complex. The conversation was strained, with him asking when I would come back that side....I lied and said I didn't know (couldn't tell him next month and that I didn't plan to see him...cause it wasn't that great...., I need to appear as though I am anxious to see him but having some scheduling difficulties)......yeah this is how the thing shoulda did set up inna the previous escapade but it was all intended to teach me a few life lessons, and I can't argue with that.

Later last week I also got a call from that ATL guy, who is coming to visit later this month and expressed a wish to see me....not sure I like the looks of him, he could get a little too sticky so I told him I may have to travel but would keep him posted.....Whew.

When trouble set fi a gal it set eeh. A nuh nutten still, I plan to just live the live and let the shit flow. If things work out one way or another, then I will deal.

Its good to be back in this space, being the being I can face in the mirror.