Stupidity

If there were a world record for the number of times one could be stupid or engage in stupid actions, then I doubt very much that I would have competition for that award. I would join the other great Jamaican world record holders and would be proud...ish to be amongst such noble comrades who fly their country's flag high......well maybe not, an award such as mine is best kept, I think, very close to the breast.

I had an up and down week and end of week.....in my bid to escape from the clutches of Boogie and the drama that usually accompanies our coming together, I erred and did something stupid. I don't accept responsibility for my actions cause had I been able to seduce my bredren/friend to join me in Kingston for the weekend then I wouldn't be blogging about this error deed today. So I will lay blame squarely at the foot of unavailable bredrens.

I don't know why I keep thinking that things will not result the way they usually result with Boogie....we make love and then I get angry, then I piss him off eventually and then we don't speak for a month. I should have caught the rake though, cause in the week I shielded myself from numerous calls and emails but still thought the weekend would be fine...that no temptation would come my way, that no agent for stupidity would be uncovered and spur my action. I was wrong. My battle was also complicated by my unfortunate good interaction with the Player......I guess I'm still a little silly....

On Saturday when I realised that Boogie would drop by my house, having not been able to reach me by phone...he's annoying like that, and it won't stop until he sees one of these days, what he thinks is already happening. I am and have been innocent in recent months past though....really I have. My concern these days are family, physical fitness and hanging on by my finger tips to my celibacy......nothing more.....men these days are too harsh, and it doesn't matter the age, I am woefully unprepared to deal with them so I choose instead to flirt a bit, but nothing more until I sort some shit out.

Anyway, I ran to my Office and got some work done, but as the hours passed and I rejected yet another call from Boogie I started feeling the old feelings.....I knew I needed an outlet for my energy so I figured if the Player were available then I could expel some of my energy on him and be focused for when Boogie comes around. I sent a simple text..."Busy?"..... I got no response.....I must admit that I was pissed a little, for a while, but then I realised that it is the weekend and he is who and how he is, so the 'no response' wasn't as earth shattering......this left me though without my armour and as sure as night follows day Boogie delivered the coup de grace, he sent a message asking if I really could turn my back on 11 years of love and friendship...of course I sent back saying yes, especially when it simply does not work anymore. Within an hour he was at my gate...Damn.

We went to Port Royal and had some fish and bammy, all the time I was hoping and praying that the Lord would still the fire which began burning in my----- at the mere sight of the man. I failed. I was sucked under the stars on the beach and it was great, but this was just the beginning. We went home and he treated me to some good old fashioned love making, the kind that leaves you breathless at the thought of it, the kind that makes you postpone your gynaecology appointment the next day cause the Doctor a guh si seh the thing battered and bruised. It felt good being wrapped in a man's arms for the night.

Though we parted ways with good vibes on Sunday evening......my alone time was too reflective and again I was pissed by the fact that the man knew all the buttons to press with me......so I went out to ease my mind. I hooked up a girlfriend and her spoogie and we went to Rae Town...didn't even know that it was still a happening vibe on a Sunday, but it is and it was great.

Life unfolds without apology so I have no apologies for my actions last weekend.....I have only one regret, that I allowed myself to be afraid of Boogie to the point of stupidity and my attempt at making contact with the Player when I know that there is nothing between us. Time will mend all armour and walls, I need to protect myself.....and I will.