First Step to Closing the Door

I was early for my Father’s House, so I walked to the seashore and gazed at the morning as I pondered the paradox of building a Church almost on the sand.

Moved: I was moved to depart from my wicked lustful ways and the Lord being a good friend, took me in his arms and promised to make me whole again if only I would choose to obey.

While I’m not there fully, I considered my attendance at church for two consecutive Sundays (a vision not seen since my early teens) to be a step in the right direction toward deliverance from my sins. The road will be rough and I in my most naturally human form, will have to pray night and day and day and night for strength to overcome. Being my greatest critic as well I also hope that I will learn to forgive myself when I stumble and fall.

I have always had a rigid conception of the Christian being. A child of God is a rock with a foundation on the Lord, so then how could one fall, I used to think. But in the last three years I have learnt that even Jesus was tempted and lesser beings as we are, we cannot fully escape the allure of sin. The aim is to keep on trying and to rely on God to see you through your next confrontation with the darkside.

Prayer: Prayer I am no stranger to, and in fact it has buoyed me through quite a bit in my life, but this is not enough. Taking that step toward the Lord through acknowledgement of him as Lord and Saviour of mankind, living the life, letting your life be an example to others, these things are must dos to prove your commitment to the Cross and its promise of….. Salvation. Prayer represents however a direct contact to your shepherd and should never be broken no matter the stains on the fabric of your soul.

Spirituality: I have tried to be spiritual mostly in my 3 decades and 4 yrs, however for one who can barely muster tolerance for her brothers an sisters, this is sometimes hard to maintain. My efforts are also derailed by my more than healthy love for the gift of sex…….how do I stay away until he sends for me that one special sexy bodied being? How do I stay Chaste, for I am bombarded each day with potentials and images of the possibilities? “Just say No” rehearses in the back of my mind, yet still I am weak.

My challenge is also compounded by my seeming natural appeal to those with golden bands upon their fingers and a yearning for excitement. Appealing they are to me as well and this is my certain path to hell. But they can never ask you to be true, nor fall to their knees proposing protection until death do you part…..a format in which I find absolute stability, for I never have to pretend to be asleep as he whispers marry me.

Inspiration: As I looked up at the imposing hills, I knew the Great I AM looked down on me saying “Through me all things are possible, those in the dark I will bring into the light and they will be as a great oak tree, planted in my love a personal treasure that I will keep and hold through generations” I can’t help but be inspired to try.

PEACE: I am Confident that he will lead me home, no matter how long it takes and I will dwell in the House of the Lord in absolute peace, just in time.
My journey will be great…..the road will be rugged but I am today committed because I know he alone can change me.