With my mind’s eye I see so many things I could be…thoughts of being a better me, one shrouded in love, with a strong sense of the manifest power of a living God. To discern, access and utilize the power He has given seems sometimes an elusive dream but through time’s tick tock, certainty, knowledge and the true path is awakened and embraced.
In-between the spaces of occupied life, there is real thought and baby steps towards full growth are taken. Yes in these times the issues which plague an unsettled mind become etched in charcoal clarity… sublime solutions to a reality. Disconnected from the clutter, the simplicity of life blooms in your hand…live, worship, love all with whom you make contact, nothing else is worthy of prolonged pondering. But then comes the morning.….
In the bright of day, its hard to fit the remnant pieces of the eureka moment together in the puzzle and so the temptation to perpetuate the cycle of ill-thought and worry pour forth as the only course of action to be taken. Reflections of a self in the mirror is not yesterday’s strong image and laying hold of the hope continually slipping from your hands is consuming….In these days I’ve found it best to hold on to the Word, to the promises, to the Spirit for guidance and eventual understanding.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Intimacy
Like sweet Port to the palate, his presence commands attention….awakens the senses. Standing close enough to drink in his aura, his eyes draws you in….his quiet confidence is… intoxicating. In a crowded airport a simple goodbye is transformed into an intimate moment….the hustle and bustle of those going and coming becomes a distant echo…. replaced by the captivating smell of his aftershave mixed in with the unmistakable musk of him.
The morning stubble on his cheek is comfortingly coarse against yours and sweet sensation tingle down to your core…like a reflex you lean into his strength. His hug is firm… sure, protective…..mildly possessiveJ His stare is intense, evoking memories of open eyed kisses and soft whispers in the break of dawn….coaxing, teasing, daring you to perform…..a low moan against the side of his neck, a little peck too and a visible shudder radiates across his chest through his plain white T in reaction to you…Pleasing.
In the end, as you unravel hungry lips from his, and trail your fingertips down his back, across his waist and pull him closer still to feel all of him against the pulse of your now damp flesh…a last kiss on the cheek to say goodbye until when next we meet….interlocked fingers are unwillingly released.
Though the moment is pregnant with other emotions, they are things which prudence, distance and wrong timing dictate should better be left unsaid….one can only offer up respect for the intimacy shared.
The morning stubble on his cheek is comfortingly coarse against yours and sweet sensation tingle down to your core…like a reflex you lean into his strength. His hug is firm… sure, protective…..mildly possessiveJ His stare is intense, evoking memories of open eyed kisses and soft whispers in the break of dawn….coaxing, teasing, daring you to perform…..a low moan against the side of his neck, a little peck too and a visible shudder radiates across his chest through his plain white T in reaction to you…Pleasing.
In the end, as you unravel hungry lips from his, and trail your fingertips down his back, across his waist and pull him closer still to feel all of him against the pulse of your now damp flesh…a last kiss on the cheek to say goodbye until when next we meet….interlocked fingers are unwillingly released.
Though the moment is pregnant with other emotions, they are things which prudence, distance and wrong timing dictate should better be left unsaid….one can only offer up respect for the intimacy shared.
A Good Soul
I believe the Lord puts people in your life for specific purposes….My Primary School teacher, Mrs. Thomas, was one such. She was an institution unto herself, a tower of strength at her 5ft 4inches, a mind filled with all the world’s knowledge (I thought at the time),the fastest draw in the East with a leather strap and an unfailing spirit of kindness.
I was fortunate to have been one of the many subjects under her tutelage since grade 1 and formed a connection, though unwelcomed sometimes. Over time, however I grew to appreciate her uncompromising style which was borne out of her yearning to see each one of us excel beyond hers and our imaginings. Yes, overtime I began to realize that this woman was a droplet from heaven…afterall, only an angel could open my dusty mind to the rudiments of mathematics and actually make some of it stick.
My ‘fortunateness’ lasted over 4 years in her private lesson class and I can scant remember any bad moments really. Instead, I have two vivid memories of this imparter of knowledge….one where she was responsible for the worse arsing I’d ever received (personally mi feel she never haffi talk bout the private lesson I was missing with Ms. Lewis, her stand in while she vacationed. I strongly feel she did me wrong by reporting my absence to my mother one Sunday on her way to church…that day I learnt the ‘value’ of the community approach to child rearing).
My second memory is much better and has been the light house to which I’ve clung for the better part of my adult life. On a day in a week where there seemed to have been a disconnection from God’s grace in every part of my 11 yr old life, I walked home from the bus stop noting every crack in the sidewalk and the tip of my shoes… “Lift your head and walk proudly child”….her voice echoed through my mire and I smiled…”Good evening Mrs. Thomas” I replied.
T’were words for strong, focused living.
A month or two ago I swung by her home, having heard she was ill....prepared to see the strong tower, though by now she would be 90 ish….She didn’t remember me. My prayers go up for her still and I thank God that she knew me then and chose not to shirk from the responsibility of encouraging a yout’.
The good one does will always live on.
I was fortunate to have been one of the many subjects under her tutelage since grade 1 and formed a connection, though unwelcomed sometimes. Over time, however I grew to appreciate her uncompromising style which was borne out of her yearning to see each one of us excel beyond hers and our imaginings. Yes, overtime I began to realize that this woman was a droplet from heaven…afterall, only an angel could open my dusty mind to the rudiments of mathematics and actually make some of it stick.
My ‘fortunateness’ lasted over 4 years in her private lesson class and I can scant remember any bad moments really. Instead, I have two vivid memories of this imparter of knowledge….one where she was responsible for the worse arsing I’d ever received (personally mi feel she never haffi talk bout the private lesson I was missing with Ms. Lewis, her stand in while she vacationed. I strongly feel she did me wrong by reporting my absence to my mother one Sunday on her way to church…that day I learnt the ‘value’ of the community approach to child rearing).
My second memory is much better and has been the light house to which I’ve clung for the better part of my adult life. On a day in a week where there seemed to have been a disconnection from God’s grace in every part of my 11 yr old life, I walked home from the bus stop noting every crack in the sidewalk and the tip of my shoes… “Lift your head and walk proudly child”….her voice echoed through my mire and I smiled…”Good evening Mrs. Thomas” I replied.
T’were words for strong, focused living.
A month or two ago I swung by her home, having heard she was ill....prepared to see the strong tower, though by now she would be 90 ish….She didn’t remember me. My prayers go up for her still and I thank God that she knew me then and chose not to shirk from the responsibility of encouraging a yout’.
The good one does will always live on.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Cane River...:)
Sometimes the Lord lets you experience a place where the great spirits of old must have offered up sacrifices of praise. Nestled in the Hills of Nine Miles Bull Bay is the Cane River Falls. It’s a place which herald’s the glory of God is visible…it’s a creative mind’s dream.
The ‘good’ stretch of road from the main up the hill ends sooner than you think so a four wheel drive vehicle is recommended…..even the 200 or so steps down to the river side is worth it when oxygen flows back to your thighs and legs. The hardest of hearts could not deny itself the opportunity to be lulled by the cascading water gushing ferociously through the rocks to the pool.
The first touch of water to a born Kingstonian’s skin is cold but soon the body adapts and all the senses are filled with the sheer power of this force of nature….one can’t help but fall completely in love.
As the current laps water against the surrounding boulders, a being acknowledges the hand of God and is stimulated to pray…. basking in the stream of sunlight through the trees. In your mind you realize that Man is but a small part of His Creation….on the lowest rung even…for how can We be more than the majestic tree growing 15 ft or so above the ground..but anchored by 60ft roots which wrap the rocks….immovable. Roots like the mane of a real, real Rastaman, thick; strong; exuding know-ledge and the wisdom chastened by age. A creature of unreserved obedience to God’s will.….Can man ever really be as much of a blessing as the old tree?
After 2hrs of intermittent massage by the torrents, the journey to the top commences… and while you exercise your mind on the deeper contemplations of this existence, the burn in your lungs and limps becomes more evident and your are constrained to focus on the task at hand..the 150 steps left to go. When the worst is over and you catch your breath leaning against the car, thanks flows from your lips to God’s ear… thanks for the privilege to experience, commune and rest with Him…thanks for days off to replenish your faith.
The ‘good’ stretch of road from the main up the hill ends sooner than you think so a four wheel drive vehicle is recommended…..even the 200 or so steps down to the river side is worth it when oxygen flows back to your thighs and legs. The hardest of hearts could not deny itself the opportunity to be lulled by the cascading water gushing ferociously through the rocks to the pool.
The first touch of water to a born Kingstonian’s skin is cold but soon the body adapts and all the senses are filled with the sheer power of this force of nature….one can’t help but fall completely in love.
As the current laps water against the surrounding boulders, a being acknowledges the hand of God and is stimulated to pray…. basking in the stream of sunlight through the trees. In your mind you realize that Man is but a small part of His Creation….on the lowest rung even…for how can We be more than the majestic tree growing 15 ft or so above the ground..but anchored by 60ft roots which wrap the rocks….immovable. Roots like the mane of a real, real Rastaman, thick; strong; exuding know-ledge and the wisdom chastened by age. A creature of unreserved obedience to God’s will.….Can man ever really be as much of a blessing as the old tree?
After 2hrs of intermittent massage by the torrents, the journey to the top commences… and while you exercise your mind on the deeper contemplations of this existence, the burn in your lungs and limps becomes more evident and your are constrained to focus on the task at hand..the 150 steps left to go. When the worst is over and you catch your breath leaning against the car, thanks flows from your lips to God’s ear… thanks for the privilege to experience, commune and rest with Him…thanks for days off to replenish your faith.
Believing
I believe that when life changing moments occur, its God’s way of getting our attention.
I believe that if you are unconnected with God and Christ you interpret life’s happenings as triumphant moments where You fell down and You overcame and You motivated yourself to strive for better…I believe however, that all these are the works of the Lord and through Him are we strengthened to fight that great fight and indeed win the war.
I believe and thank God daily for knowing my heart and blessing me with enough grace to lean not on my less than sure footed understanding and steps in the ‘right’ direction….I believe, no , know, that my heart will forever hold on to His promise and that my wish , desire, longing is to finally get it right and rest in His embrace for the rest of my life…I believe he’ll give me even just for trying.
I believe in the work of the Church to fulfill God’s plan and I give thanks I was born in a Christian Country…cause if it’s this hard for one who was always surrounded by the Word, then failure would surely be my destiny if I had to convert from one religion to another. I believe the bretheren should edify themselves to be able to answer tough questions when posed by those just beyond the pearly gates…for we are all have come up short.
I believe that humans have an endless capacity to judge one another and themselves too harshly...regardless of our position on the ‘righteousness’ continuum. I thank God for being better than myself.
I believe in the power of prayer and whispering a blessing on the life of everyone you meet, I believe God hears, listens and will show His magnificence to not prove me wrong. I firmly believe it is by His Grace that I shall look back at the beginning thirty years later and say thank you Lord for bringing me to it and through it all…I will be at peace.
I believe that if you are unconnected with God and Christ you interpret life’s happenings as triumphant moments where You fell down and You overcame and You motivated yourself to strive for better…I believe however, that all these are the works of the Lord and through Him are we strengthened to fight that great fight and indeed win the war.
I believe and thank God daily for knowing my heart and blessing me with enough grace to lean not on my less than sure footed understanding and steps in the ‘right’ direction….I believe, no , know, that my heart will forever hold on to His promise and that my wish , desire, longing is to finally get it right and rest in His embrace for the rest of my life…I believe he’ll give me even just for trying.
I believe in the work of the Church to fulfill God’s plan and I give thanks I was born in a Christian Country…cause if it’s this hard for one who was always surrounded by the Word, then failure would surely be my destiny if I had to convert from one religion to another. I believe the bretheren should edify themselves to be able to answer tough questions when posed by those just beyond the pearly gates…for we are all have come up short.
I believe that humans have an endless capacity to judge one another and themselves too harshly...regardless of our position on the ‘righteousness’ continuum. I thank God for being better than myself.
I believe in the power of prayer and whispering a blessing on the life of everyone you meet, I believe God hears, listens and will show His magnificence to not prove me wrong. I firmly believe it is by His Grace that I shall look back at the beginning thirty years later and say thank you Lord for bringing me to it and through it all…I will be at peace.
Focus failing
For a delicate being who can barely stand one day of rain let alone 5, it’s no wonder thoughts degenerate into contemplations of the baser, and certainly more exciting parts of life. I’ll blame these ramblings on the rain and only that cause in the midst of the storm, in times past, the opportunity was used to focus energy on a ready, willing and very able him.
A vivid picture of him stripped of all cotton confines is fixed in my mind. His execution of simple tasks like lifting your leg to rest on his shoulder prompts a choreographed piece - of muscle with flesh, each sinew a visible tease…his sweet smile when he notices not only the weather is wet.
Yes, in the cold of a rainy night, a melody tap, tapping on the windows, its the perfect time to treat a body to good love….to really whisper vulgar nothings in his ear, watch his toes curl from a taste or two…explore all of him…listen to his release….a woman should always find time to remind her man that love springs forth from her breasts, her hips and finger tips…her heart and the recesses of her perverted mind:0)
A vivid picture of him stripped of all cotton confines is fixed in my mind. His execution of simple tasks like lifting your leg to rest on his shoulder prompts a choreographed piece - of muscle with flesh, each sinew a visible tease…his sweet smile when he notices not only the weather is wet.
Yes, in the cold of a rainy night, a melody tap, tapping on the windows, its the perfect time to treat a body to good love….to really whisper vulgar nothings in his ear, watch his toes curl from a taste or two…explore all of him…listen to his release….a woman should always find time to remind her man that love springs forth from her breasts, her hips and finger tips…her heart and the recesses of her perverted mind:0)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Understanding in Time
Give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus
Navigating the currents of life can be overwhelming for those not rooted ‘n’ grounded in their belief in the Most High one. Indeed the continuous ebb and flow, high tide and low, wreaks havoc on a weak being and manifests doubt in the promises He made to your heart when you cried out and were 'infilled'. Finding praise in these times is nothing short of a miracle and the spirit longs to be like some more sure, those who are thankful for tribulation recognizing and accepting that it is His will….
So a process which should’ve taken a day at most, is prolonged in the weakest among us to days…days spent trying to focus on His previous and present blessings, His comfort through other crisises, His peace in the face of His own demise, His resurrection from the dead…the overcoming principle of our faith. Yes in these times one is hard pressed to consider the great evil as a part of the puzzle, a patch in the quilt of the better life for you He is crafting.
Through the mire of wrong thinking though, praise whispers uncontrollably from within and claws its way through the anger, sorrow, disappointment and doubt and all it takes is a willing heart to listen, a moment of being still, a word from a friend….then one is able to cope..one can lift up scaled eyes and see beyond the natural circumstances to the blessing in the dark cloud.
Eventually one is able to give thanks and praise and crave forgiveness and His further indulgence as your faith grows.
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus
Navigating the currents of life can be overwhelming for those not rooted ‘n’ grounded in their belief in the Most High one. Indeed the continuous ebb and flow, high tide and low, wreaks havoc on a weak being and manifests doubt in the promises He made to your heart when you cried out and were 'infilled'. Finding praise in these times is nothing short of a miracle and the spirit longs to be like some more sure, those who are thankful for tribulation recognizing and accepting that it is His will….
So a process which should’ve taken a day at most, is prolonged in the weakest among us to days…days spent trying to focus on His previous and present blessings, His comfort through other crisises, His peace in the face of His own demise, His resurrection from the dead…the overcoming principle of our faith. Yes in these times one is hard pressed to consider the great evil as a part of the puzzle, a patch in the quilt of the better life for you He is crafting.
Through the mire of wrong thinking though, praise whispers uncontrollably from within and claws its way through the anger, sorrow, disappointment and doubt and all it takes is a willing heart to listen, a moment of being still, a word from a friend….then one is able to cope..one can lift up scaled eyes and see beyond the natural circumstances to the blessing in the dark cloud.
Eventually one is able to give thanks and praise and crave forgiveness and His further indulgence as your faith grows.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Independence???
In the celebration of the earthday for the black, green and gold, I learnt of a video that was posted to Youtube..unfortunately.
In horror, disbelief and disgust I watched through tear filled eyes a symbol of law and order degenerate into the villains he swore to serve and protect the nation’s people from…an alleged guilty man was shot in cold blood…and despite the skewed reports, he was not, in my eyes, putting up a resistance sufficient to warrant such final and drastic action… the opportunity to let the justice system decide his fate was taken unceremoniously from him. Like a dog who bit his owner, his life was snuffed out…the life of a Jamaican was ended with disdain amidst cheers from a blood/ justice hungry crowd.
How can we rest easy knowing that love seemingly has no place in the pulse of our people?
I remember being young at school and singing with youthful exuberance songs of Independence,…I remember pledging “…to work diligently and creatively so that Jamaica may , under God increase in beauty, fellowship and prosperity..”, I remember the rhythm of “…this land is our heritage…ours to make or mar, ours to spoil or beautify, for shame or praise…” I remember being proud… But on that day, my spirit felt low.
My mind could not yield to the apparent reality that all hope was indeed lost….I thought we were on the right track, we’ve finally seen political will demonstrated to tackle the cliques which among other things, contribute to our underdevelopment….a brighter tomorrow seemed more than just a tale whispered in the ear of children before bed…what happened?
Have the prayers of our forefathers for freedom been answered in manifest ruthlessness to our own…are we so independent that we think and effect pure crap?
I pray that God will purge this land and its people of its atrocities, that the blood which soaks our soil will be washed clean along with our hearts, that our mind’s will be kissed with right thinking, that love will prevail…I pray that He makes us whole again and that next year I’ll listen to the strum of nationhood, patriotism, peace and kindness from riverside to the mountain top, from the cane fields to the sea…That Jamaica will once again be a land of beauty, that we will fulfill the promise to serve her with our talents with hands and heart united ..that we will work steadfastly and wisely to never bring her shame…I pray that in my lifetime, our hearts will salute a Jamaica that is triumphant, Proud and truly Emancipated.
In horror, disbelief and disgust I watched through tear filled eyes a symbol of law and order degenerate into the villains he swore to serve and protect the nation’s people from…an alleged guilty man was shot in cold blood…and despite the skewed reports, he was not, in my eyes, putting up a resistance sufficient to warrant such final and drastic action… the opportunity to let the justice system decide his fate was taken unceremoniously from him. Like a dog who bit his owner, his life was snuffed out…the life of a Jamaican was ended with disdain amidst cheers from a blood/ justice hungry crowd.
How can we rest easy knowing that love seemingly has no place in the pulse of our people?
I remember being young at school and singing with youthful exuberance songs of Independence,…I remember pledging “…to work diligently and creatively so that Jamaica may , under God increase in beauty, fellowship and prosperity..”, I remember the rhythm of “…this land is our heritage…ours to make or mar, ours to spoil or beautify, for shame or praise…” I remember being proud… But on that day, my spirit felt low.
My mind could not yield to the apparent reality that all hope was indeed lost….I thought we were on the right track, we’ve finally seen political will demonstrated to tackle the cliques which among other things, contribute to our underdevelopment….a brighter tomorrow seemed more than just a tale whispered in the ear of children before bed…what happened?
Have the prayers of our forefathers for freedom been answered in manifest ruthlessness to our own…are we so independent that we think and effect pure crap?
I pray that God will purge this land and its people of its atrocities, that the blood which soaks our soil will be washed clean along with our hearts, that our mind’s will be kissed with right thinking, that love will prevail…I pray that He makes us whole again and that next year I’ll listen to the strum of nationhood, patriotism, peace and kindness from riverside to the mountain top, from the cane fields to the sea…That Jamaica will once again be a land of beauty, that we will fulfill the promise to serve her with our talents with hands and heart united ..that we will work steadfastly and wisely to never bring her shame…I pray that in my lifetime, our hearts will salute a Jamaica that is triumphant, Proud and truly Emancipated.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Only Thinking
An indomitable force draws a being closer and closer to certain pleasurable doom…thoughts of salvation though now buried deeper down, reverberate in a head swimming with lust, feelings, the sight of him…woe to those whose minds’ are not renewed, whose spirits’ fight a daily battle to forget the feel, the touch, the smell and the salt taste of skin….Woe to those of weaker will.
An emancipated self strolls still in darkness, veiled…blinkered eyes focus on one thing and one thing only….meeting him part way…. going all the way…looking for the sheath…It seems such a simple cause to win. Can months and years of goodness be depleted by the sound of your name on his lips….one whisper punctures the protective casing.
Walking in the light provides an escape…but free will sometimes breaches the full armour……..knowing the truth… knowing it makes no sense to disobey commandments, break covenants for just a soft kiss…..but sill, the allure of fleeting deep emotion stimulates the senses, overpowers logical thought, plants a seed of sure defeat in the mutiny and becomes a chance your will surrenders to take.
Sin seduced and ripe… ready for the picking….does God creep in then?.....before? Can the heart and mind be receptive at the point of entry and eke out a good result?????
An emancipated self strolls still in darkness, veiled…blinkered eyes focus on one thing and one thing only….meeting him part way…. going all the way…looking for the sheath…It seems such a simple cause to win. Can months and years of goodness be depleted by the sound of your name on his lips….one whisper punctures the protective casing.
Walking in the light provides an escape…but free will sometimes breaches the full armour……..knowing the truth… knowing it makes no sense to disobey commandments, break covenants for just a soft kiss…..but sill, the allure of fleeting deep emotion stimulates the senses, overpowers logical thought, plants a seed of sure defeat in the mutiny and becomes a chance your will surrenders to take.
Sin seduced and ripe… ready for the picking….does God creep in then?.....before? Can the heart and mind be receptive at the point of entry and eke out a good result?????
Thursday, May 13, 2010
An Eyelash Wish
I’ve never wanted the sun, the moon, the rivers or the mountain from a man….I’ve never wanted diamonds and pearls….I want him as a partner…all of him;
I’m satisfied with a bloke that’ll try his damnedest to keep this pretty smile on my face, to bring laughter to my eyes and soul, exhaustion to my waist and comfort to my heart;
I dream of a him who displays the fruits of the Spirit, One who puts only God before me…..Someone to submit to…Someone to trust.
My spirit longs to be with a hopeless romantic who showers me with blessings, a rock on whom I can lean. An ambitious him that knows where he’s going, that’s 6 ft tall or more, will settle for 5ft 10” as well:0)…A true man, witty and sophisticated yet rough around the edges…the ability to deal with the bourgeoisie and the proletariat…A man with a kind heart and a patient hand. A pretty smile he should possess, a firm sure hug, a demanding tongue, sweet tender lips, a body that displays his commitment to maintaining the temple given him, a listener, a giver and humble receiver…an air of gentle confidence…this is my wish.
An impossible standard some would say but I know I’ll meet him someday.
I’m satisfied with a bloke that’ll try his damnedest to keep this pretty smile on my face, to bring laughter to my eyes and soul, exhaustion to my waist and comfort to my heart;
I dream of a him who displays the fruits of the Spirit, One who puts only God before me…..Someone to submit to…Someone to trust.
My spirit longs to be with a hopeless romantic who showers me with blessings, a rock on whom I can lean. An ambitious him that knows where he’s going, that’s 6 ft tall or more, will settle for 5ft 10” as well:0)…A true man, witty and sophisticated yet rough around the edges…the ability to deal with the bourgeoisie and the proletariat…A man with a kind heart and a patient hand. A pretty smile he should possess, a firm sure hug, a demanding tongue, sweet tender lips, a body that displays his commitment to maintaining the temple given him, a listener, a giver and humble receiver…an air of gentle confidence…this is my wish.
An impossible standard some would say but I know I’ll meet him someday.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A taste of Heaven
On a flight back to Yard I fulfilled my promise to God to pen my praise for his mercy shown me last week.
With 3 days notice I packed for a trip I wasn’t yet booked on a flight for….In confidence..ish, I had 70% positive thoughts about meeting the requirements for a Government Officer to travel in these aneamic economic times. Another day went by before the approval came and the flight to take me there on the day before the meeting was fully booked….With 2 days to go I found myself tying off loose ends and gathering paper to take along, still confident..ish that I’d find a flight…I did, twas the next day.
To get approval for travel, cause country representation I thought was crucial to regional development, I had opted to assume the cost of Hotel stay for the night before the meeting since per diem etc would not be disbursed by the organizing entity until the first day of the meeting….I figured I could cover that night plus ground transport from the airport and was gonna “thug/yardie out” the meal part…The life of a Civil servant nuh easy…..Anyhow, with this twist to the plan I’d have to find two nights plus at least a meal out of pocket or convince the Ministry to support the one extra night.
In the hustle and bustle of doing the necessaries to fly I left the booking of accommodation in capable assistant’s hands…..to my astonishment, Ministry support was over calculated and they gave me strict instructions to go with and reimburse on return…tentatively I took it all with me. …God is good.
Rushing through the streets of Kingston with an hour to board I didn’t didn’t blink an eye as I bobbed and wove my way through ;lunch time pick-up traffic…twas an opportunity to drop the V6 into 4 and boogie at speeds of upwards 100kmh….Mi get fi blow out di engine… sweet:0)
The flight was good, peaceful mostly and I got good vibes from a fresh and clean youngster but was too preoccupied catching up on my reading to show real interest….half opportunity lost:0)
On arrival at the Hotel I read my print out which stated that “ All monies must be paid in full upfront” or something to that effect….my able assistant had wanted to spare me the hassle of booking in twice and had gone a head an booked me for the 4 nights…..bless her heart. Thankfully I was over provided for by the people of my country so I could easily cover the cost…..God is good all the time…..
In my room showered and settled munching on the Cheetos and Heineken I grabbed at the supermarket on my way in, I thought back and remembered that on Saturday morning I had woken up with Psalm 23 on my mind and in my heart and I had repeated the same incessantly over the ensuing 3 days…it never occurred to me that there was a connection and to be honest I’d been more focused on the “..He restoreth my soul”…part, thinking God wanted me to repent of my daily sins……I was wrong. I thanked God for going before me and seeing beyond my mortal sight and effecting the “ The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want…” part of the Psalm.
I gave thanks with a Cheerful heart on a plane back to for the Lord had opened my mind and eyes to see his mighty works performed for me….God is a Good God and I’m happy he rests in me and I’m committed, despite all my faults, to dwelling in His house forever.
With 3 days notice I packed for a trip I wasn’t yet booked on a flight for….In confidence..ish, I had 70% positive thoughts about meeting the requirements for a Government Officer to travel in these aneamic economic times. Another day went by before the approval came and the flight to take me there on the day before the meeting was fully booked….With 2 days to go I found myself tying off loose ends and gathering paper to take along, still confident..ish that I’d find a flight…I did, twas the next day.
To get approval for travel, cause country representation I thought was crucial to regional development, I had opted to assume the cost of Hotel stay for the night before the meeting since per diem etc would not be disbursed by the organizing entity until the first day of the meeting….I figured I could cover that night plus ground transport from the airport and was gonna “thug/yardie out” the meal part…The life of a Civil servant nuh easy…..Anyhow, with this twist to the plan I’d have to find two nights plus at least a meal out of pocket or convince the Ministry to support the one extra night.
In the hustle and bustle of doing the necessaries to fly I left the booking of accommodation in capable assistant’s hands…..to my astonishment, Ministry support was over calculated and they gave me strict instructions to go with and reimburse on return…tentatively I took it all with me. …God is good.
Rushing through the streets of Kingston with an hour to board I didn’t didn’t blink an eye as I bobbed and wove my way through ;lunch time pick-up traffic…twas an opportunity to drop the V6 into 4 and boogie at speeds of upwards 100kmh….Mi get fi blow out di engine… sweet:0)
The flight was good, peaceful mostly and I got good vibes from a fresh and clean youngster but was too preoccupied catching up on my reading to show real interest….half opportunity lost:0)
On arrival at the Hotel I read my print out which stated that “ All monies must be paid in full upfront” or something to that effect….my able assistant had wanted to spare me the hassle of booking in twice and had gone a head an booked me for the 4 nights…..bless her heart. Thankfully I was over provided for by the people of my country so I could easily cover the cost…..God is good all the time…..
In my room showered and settled munching on the Cheetos and Heineken I grabbed at the supermarket on my way in, I thought back and remembered that on Saturday morning I had woken up with Psalm 23 on my mind and in my heart and I had repeated the same incessantly over the ensuing 3 days…it never occurred to me that there was a connection and to be honest I’d been more focused on the “..He restoreth my soul”…part, thinking God wanted me to repent of my daily sins……I was wrong. I thanked God for going before me and seeing beyond my mortal sight and effecting the “ The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want…” part of the Psalm.
I gave thanks with a Cheerful heart on a plane back to for the Lord had opened my mind and eyes to see his mighty works performed for me….God is a Good God and I’m happy he rests in me and I’m committed, despite all my faults, to dwelling in His house forever.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Dreams
After a long trip into Kingston, on a winding road through the hills of St. Andrew and St. Mary…the peacefulness of the day was evident in the comfortable silence between a man and a woman. With his free hand in yours you trace the pattern of his veins and admire the strength in his wrist and fingers…yes, in a quick glance you capture him in your mind and think…‘he's beautiful’.
A shower after some spirits and a draw of sumpn nice….you wait patiently for him to join you in the bed beside the mirror……through tired eyes you watch his muscular body approach and every sense leaps to life…..its not often a woman happens across that pleasurable mix of good looks and skill, so you were thankful for the opportunity to bend to his will.
A touch of his lips to your inner thigh sent electric pulses through your body and he watches with fixed interest your writhing response….when kisses trail upwards over your hips and navel, the line of your stomach, your neck and chin…your involuntary spasms become more and more intense and brings your flesh closer to the source of your desire…. But still he hovers by your lips to watch you feel him….tantalizing.
With passion burning from the heat of the moment and bodies now drenched with anticipation, the beginning is sealed with a kiss…a long, hard, eruption evoking kiss. You foil his plans as he tries to return to the start and encourage instead a unguided insertion into the path ….the clench and release of your muscles binds him in a spell which coaxes a low, groan from deep within him…you are pleased.
In an unorthodox missionary, the soles of your feet against his hard chest, he strokes smoothly then harder and harder…. and though thoughts of crying ‘Cree’ enter your logical mind, the pleasure of the pain spurs you on to match his every try to pin you permanently to the bed....what strength, what energy…mmmm.
The battle rages on and lessons are taught and learnt, new positions tried and somewhat conquered until sheer exhaustion sets in…..but just when you thought you’d had enough, you catch a glimpse of his firmly formed ass in the mirror fucking you from behind….on his haunches atop your body, he tiptoes in and out of your wet and receptive pussy, training it, working for your untimely release…your loss… his win. It would’ve worked too, had you not insisted that he holds still and watch you work…with each thrust and wine, he shows true grit, standing firm with an ass riding up and down the length of his dick….He ultimately unravels when you whisper, ‘fuck it an’ mass it up’…. And through clenched teeth, his body rigid in release, he commands that no one else be given this chance… ‘a fi mi dis’ he says… and you agree whole-heartedly.
Mutual gratification reached and he collapses to your left, draws you close, kisses your forehead and whispers ‘lets sleep’…twas a day and night well spent.
A shower after some spirits and a draw of sumpn nice….you wait patiently for him to join you in the bed beside the mirror……through tired eyes you watch his muscular body approach and every sense leaps to life…..its not often a woman happens across that pleasurable mix of good looks and skill, so you were thankful for the opportunity to bend to his will.
A touch of his lips to your inner thigh sent electric pulses through your body and he watches with fixed interest your writhing response….when kisses trail upwards over your hips and navel, the line of your stomach, your neck and chin…your involuntary spasms become more and more intense and brings your flesh closer to the source of your desire…. But still he hovers by your lips to watch you feel him….tantalizing.
With passion burning from the heat of the moment and bodies now drenched with anticipation, the beginning is sealed with a kiss…a long, hard, eruption evoking kiss. You foil his plans as he tries to return to the start and encourage instead a unguided insertion into the path ….the clench and release of your muscles binds him in a spell which coaxes a low, groan from deep within him…you are pleased.
In an unorthodox missionary, the soles of your feet against his hard chest, he strokes smoothly then harder and harder…. and though thoughts of crying ‘Cree’ enter your logical mind, the pleasure of the pain spurs you on to match his every try to pin you permanently to the bed....what strength, what energy…mmmm.
The battle rages on and lessons are taught and learnt, new positions tried and somewhat conquered until sheer exhaustion sets in…..but just when you thought you’d had enough, you catch a glimpse of his firmly formed ass in the mirror fucking you from behind….on his haunches atop your body, he tiptoes in and out of your wet and receptive pussy, training it, working for your untimely release…your loss… his win. It would’ve worked too, had you not insisted that he holds still and watch you work…with each thrust and wine, he shows true grit, standing firm with an ass riding up and down the length of his dick….He ultimately unravels when you whisper, ‘fuck it an’ mass it up’…. And through clenched teeth, his body rigid in release, he commands that no one else be given this chance… ‘a fi mi dis’ he says… and you agree whole-heartedly.
Mutual gratification reached and he collapses to your left, draws you close, kisses your forehead and whispers ‘lets sleep’…twas a day and night well spent.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Being Still in God
With a cup of mint tea in hand at 5:30 this morning you venture outside to sit for a bit and watch the dawn of a new day….the air is crisp, the mountains, though shadowed by the remnant night, were majestically decorated with rich green flora…..a more beautiful sight a painter couldn’t have conjured.
Its easy in the quiet of a day to ask for forgiveness for the things said and done….to reflect on the only being who offers unconditional love despite your faults….Yes, in the soft light of the morn a sinner is thankful for the present given with a willing heart, a new opportunity to make a start, get things right or at least try…..As the birds begin to sing their own praise, your spirit is lifted up and you’re infused with the knowledge that on this day you will succeed…you’ll not allow yourself to be drawn out of the protective bosom, the insults of rude men who’ve become too accustomed to being on top of their women, will roll off your back and time will be spent instead in storing up blessings in heaven through good works to your fellow man.
Yes, in a seemingly simulated Sunday morning vybe, you opt to try to be a better being and hope and pray that the Lord will commend your effort..Again.
Its easy in the quiet of a day to ask for forgiveness for the things said and done….to reflect on the only being who offers unconditional love despite your faults….Yes, in the soft light of the morn a sinner is thankful for the present given with a willing heart, a new opportunity to make a start, get things right or at least try…..As the birds begin to sing their own praise, your spirit is lifted up and you’re infused with the knowledge that on this day you will succeed…you’ll not allow yourself to be drawn out of the protective bosom, the insults of rude men who’ve become too accustomed to being on top of their women, will roll off your back and time will be spent instead in storing up blessings in heaven through good works to your fellow man.
Yes, in a seemingly simulated Sunday morning vybe, you opt to try to be a better being and hope and pray that the Lord will commend your effort..Again.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Reminiscing??
If I were honest with myself, I'd admit I want him...now, in this moment.
I'd admit I wanted to feel him pull me close to the length of his warm body in these cold days and nights.....I'd admit that his coarse hands tracing an aimless path down the line of my back brought me closer to the edge than I let on, that the heat from his breath against my ear as he whispers "come here" sent tingles through to the very core of me....I'd admit he was bliss.
That sweet juicy mouth, those powerful arms and thighs....I'd admit that his very being wrapped in me was intoxicating....his presence, his comfort in me prompted my mnd to drink in all that was him.... from his chin on my head, to the curl of his legs around mine and his finger inches from my lips..... If I were truly true, I'd admit we were perfectly form fitted just sleeping.....
This is how a man should sleep with a woman. The giving of herself to you is a gift to be embraced and held dear ...at least until the morning light, when clarity and good sense returns:0)
I'd admit I wanted to feel him pull me close to the length of his warm body in these cold days and nights.....I'd admit that his coarse hands tracing an aimless path down the line of my back brought me closer to the edge than I let on, that the heat from his breath against my ear as he whispers "come here" sent tingles through to the very core of me....I'd admit he was bliss.
That sweet juicy mouth, those powerful arms and thighs....I'd admit that his very being wrapped in me was intoxicating....his presence, his comfort in me prompted my mnd to drink in all that was him.... from his chin on my head, to the curl of his legs around mine and his finger inches from my lips..... If I were truly true, I'd admit we were perfectly form fitted just sleeping.....
This is how a man should sleep with a woman. The giving of herself to you is a gift to be embraced and held dear ...at least until the morning light, when clarity and good sense returns:0)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Conscience
In this ordinary day I sit thinking too much on too many things and praying for peace of mind. A few days past a one week visit from Mr. ATL which prompted a lapse in ..."everything"....I'm left to ponder....
How easy it can become to push righteous thoughts to the back of your mind as you pursue the lusts of the world.
When pressure mounts over days and thoughts of bodies locked in absolute primal rhythm dance through a perverted mind…..grinding to that all too familiar beat….the pleasure of a big man treatment to a yearning, hot body…the allure of a “proper sort out”.
And though the signs are clear, and you recognize the snare, the weakness of the flesh manifests in evident control and you place yourself knowingly as prey…..Praying for strength is done as a reflex but sitting in the seat of sinners could only reap a fall.
In a time when focus is placed on the Lord for his goodness towards us, the sacrifice of his son…the devil breaks through your defenses and now you are ashamed to be in the presence of Him who took you out of the mire of sinfulness and placed you on a pedestal, Him who loves you more than you could love yourself, Him who has carried you through….In the light of the morning, its hard to reconcile, to accept the concept of true metamorphosis from flesh to spirit driven.
My sins are as scarlet will He care enough to wash me Again.
How easy it can become to push righteous thoughts to the back of your mind as you pursue the lusts of the world.
When pressure mounts over days and thoughts of bodies locked in absolute primal rhythm dance through a perverted mind…..grinding to that all too familiar beat….the pleasure of a big man treatment to a yearning, hot body…the allure of a “proper sort out”.
And though the signs are clear, and you recognize the snare, the weakness of the flesh manifests in evident control and you place yourself knowingly as prey…..Praying for strength is done as a reflex but sitting in the seat of sinners could only reap a fall.
In a time when focus is placed on the Lord for his goodness towards us, the sacrifice of his son…the devil breaks through your defenses and now you are ashamed to be in the presence of Him who took you out of the mire of sinfulness and placed you on a pedestal, Him who loves you more than you could love yourself, Him who has carried you through….In the light of the morning, its hard to reconcile, to accept the concept of true metamorphosis from flesh to spirit driven.
My sins are as scarlet will He care enough to wash me Again.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Temptation
On a progressive path for change, faith and righteousness deepening, your breakthrough within inches of your grasp, the devil senses your imminent flight from the fold and unveils temptation to derail, upset and steal your Victory.
The possibility of demystifying the black/white coupling scenar is handed to you with open abandon….a fantasy from your youth here for the taking but the burden of sin is its companion.
Now faced with a choice of wrong or right, eternal happiness or damnation from a blissful night…the choice seems clear to your rational, spiritual self but your loins cannot erase the thought of looking down at his head between your thighs, stroking, licking teasing an eruption...’Yes’ is etched in the evidence of your arousal as he paints a picture of his submission to your touch, your lips, your kiss, your f—k…he’s good for your ego, but….
‘Runaway’ blinks in bright red in the back of your mind and your words even convey the same, but his tenacity is admirable….he coaxes a more agreeable response…Sweet scenes of you exploring him completely, learning his spots as you drag your tongue the length of his 5ft 9’ and 8 inches….slavery reversed as under you he relaxes to accept his pleasurably painful reward.
As the days tick tock by and the embers still burn, your weakness you’ve had to confess to Lord for he is better equipped to weather the storm…but still the flesh wishes to be touched, to be held, to be taught a thing or two. Images of you slowly falling to your knees to urge his release with tongue and lips and hands eager to please…Unholy machinations spiral through your mind with him trailing kisses down your spine, preparing you for entry from behind … Oh the thrill of finally comparing caucasian skill with black prowess, but still…
Your heart longs to be true to only one, the God of your salvation….and if these months of studying the word have taught nothing else its that the battle is not yours, so you turn this one over to Him and await the outcome.
The possibility of demystifying the black/white coupling scenar is handed to you with open abandon….a fantasy from your youth here for the taking but the burden of sin is its companion.
Now faced with a choice of wrong or right, eternal happiness or damnation from a blissful night…the choice seems clear to your rational, spiritual self but your loins cannot erase the thought of looking down at his head between your thighs, stroking, licking teasing an eruption...’Yes’ is etched in the evidence of your arousal as he paints a picture of his submission to your touch, your lips, your kiss, your f—k…he’s good for your ego, but….
‘Runaway’ blinks in bright red in the back of your mind and your words even convey the same, but his tenacity is admirable….he coaxes a more agreeable response…Sweet scenes of you exploring him completely, learning his spots as you drag your tongue the length of his 5ft 9’ and 8 inches….slavery reversed as under you he relaxes to accept his pleasurably painful reward.
As the days tick tock by and the embers still burn, your weakness you’ve had to confess to Lord for he is better equipped to weather the storm…but still the flesh wishes to be touched, to be held, to be taught a thing or two. Images of you slowly falling to your knees to urge his release with tongue and lips and hands eager to please…Unholy machinations spiral through your mind with him trailing kisses down your spine, preparing you for entry from behind … Oh the thrill of finally comparing caucasian skill with black prowess, but still…
Your heart longs to be true to only one, the God of your salvation….and if these months of studying the word have taught nothing else its that the battle is not yours, so you turn this one over to Him and await the outcome.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Choosing
Freedom is calling in the promise of the everlasting …..freedom is calling you.
Freedom is calling in the miracles performed each day to get your attention…the bills that were paid, that tank of gas, water in your tap, bread for the day…
Freedom was bestowed on us all through the sacrifice of Himself…the freedom of choice given us as a gift, to choose or not to follow a God that loves us inspite of us.
Freedom is in finally saying Yes…yes to that outstretched hand, to the voice deep within which longed for the seed planted to take root.
“ Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness and for his wonderful works to the children of men” Psalm 107 vs 8, 15, 21,31
Freedom is calling in the miracles performed each day to get your attention…the bills that were paid, that tank of gas, water in your tap, bread for the day…
Freedom was bestowed on us all through the sacrifice of Himself…the freedom of choice given us as a gift, to choose or not to follow a God that loves us inspite of us.
Freedom is in finally saying Yes…yes to that outstretched hand, to the voice deep within which longed for the seed planted to take root.
“ Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness and for his wonderful works to the children of men” Psalm 107 vs 8, 15, 21,31
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Victory Again
Watching the afternoon turn to evening and night, the sunset burning crimson through the bows of the coconut tree, memories of a former me crept into my mind and deep within I pined for that vibe, that smell, that feeling.
Chilly the wind blew, the tea in my cup insufficient for the battle to ensue..warmth increasingly slipping away from my depths…but still I sat.....
I contemplated the options still, as thoughts of his pillow top pecs and warm soft hands playing gently across my flesh pirouetted in my head…... But then, before harm could be done, sin was averted in the wind’s song in the leaves….the Almighty channeled my energy away from my lions to the tip of my pen…Grace was given me in the midst of temptation and my thanks streamed forward in praise….the Lord always provides a way out.
Chilly the wind blew, the tea in my cup insufficient for the battle to ensue..warmth increasingly slipping away from my depths…but still I sat.....
I contemplated the options still, as thoughts of his pillow top pecs and warm soft hands playing gently across my flesh pirouetted in my head…... But then, before harm could be done, sin was averted in the wind’s song in the leaves….the Almighty channeled my energy away from my lions to the tip of my pen…Grace was given me in the midst of temptation and my thanks streamed forward in praise….the Lord always provides a way out.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Ramblings
Thought I'd live up to the title of my page and Ramble on a few issues:
I was taken aback this week by:
- How much I longed for a hug, to be made love to, the intimacy of a kiss
- - how much I wanted to be under the thatch covered bench at Hellshire resting, soaking up the sea vibe
- how much I wished I had my own successful business
- the fact that I've seemingly shelved my plans for writing that great book
- the slow progression of my life to somewhere...anywhere else
- what it will take to build that fence I need
- how much 1 damn tyre really costs
- the evil that children are capable of
- the mistakes I've made in my life and realising that the worse one was the Player....how could I have been attracted to such a dispicable, insensitive being
- thoughts that transformation my be the catalyst I need for change
- the kinks in my spiritual armour
- my stunted growth
I was taken aback this week by:
- How much I longed for a hug, to be made love to, the intimacy of a kiss
- - how much I wanted to be under the thatch covered bench at Hellshire resting, soaking up the sea vibe
- how much I wished I had my own successful business
- the fact that I've seemingly shelved my plans for writing that great book
- the slow progression of my life to somewhere...anywhere else
- what it will take to build that fence I need
- how much 1 damn tyre really costs
- the evil that children are capable of
- the mistakes I've made in my life and realising that the worse one was the Player....how could I have been attracted to such a dispicable, insensitive being
- thoughts that transformation my be the catalyst I need for change
- the kinks in my spiritual armour
- my stunted growth
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Holding On for Better
What will a Nation do when its stalwarts have passed away?
Will we find more Nettleford’s, Rhone’s Busta’s and Joshua’s to lead the charge? Who now can fill their shoes?
But how do you motivate a people to rise to the occasion of self, smadification is a long and hard fought battle few manage to win…what propels a people to fight when not only do their young not understand the concept of non-violent protest but are also unaware of the need to mold themselves in forms rooted in ‘weness’ and unconnected with those in the North. How can you motivate a people when their very beings cry out for sustenance…when their values have been crafted from parental love in the contents of a barrel sent every three months…..when their minds have been set on relieving the burden of generational restructured debt.
What will cause them to shine, to look beyond the now and then but to the possible future. A future of sustainable growth, a future riddled with achievements on all fronts, a future where minds think on issues before putting an X, a future of hope for generations to come.
In the balance of probabilities we find ourselves at the end of a tether; a script of great loss of pride and gold medals, of hit songs with no soul glorifying the gun, bling and dancing, confused males and females whose bodies don’t fit pants they’re in, of hostility and civil war in communities, a cultural dilemma, people bravely being scared of life, change… having and using its voice. From whose loins will the next Great Leaders be born?
How does one build a country when the champions have been silenced by time…the spirit of our great talent having been bartered away for another’s reality, a hat hung so far out of reach yet all our energies are concentrated in blindly, relentlessly striving towards that dream….We cannot continue down this path.
In the analysis we find hope in a fine thread of knowledge that in every Jamaican rests possibility…waiting to be uncovered and polished for countryward Victory.
Will we find more Nettleford’s, Rhone’s Busta’s and Joshua’s to lead the charge? Who now can fill their shoes?
But how do you motivate a people to rise to the occasion of self, smadification is a long and hard fought battle few manage to win…what propels a people to fight when not only do their young not understand the concept of non-violent protest but are also unaware of the need to mold themselves in forms rooted in ‘weness’ and unconnected with those in the North. How can you motivate a people when their very beings cry out for sustenance…when their values have been crafted from parental love in the contents of a barrel sent every three months…..when their minds have been set on relieving the burden of generational restructured debt.
What will cause them to shine, to look beyond the now and then but to the possible future. A future of sustainable growth, a future riddled with achievements on all fronts, a future where minds think on issues before putting an X, a future of hope for generations to come.
In the balance of probabilities we find ourselves at the end of a tether; a script of great loss of pride and gold medals, of hit songs with no soul glorifying the gun, bling and dancing, confused males and females whose bodies don’t fit pants they’re in, of hostility and civil war in communities, a cultural dilemma, people bravely being scared of life, change… having and using its voice. From whose loins will the next Great Leaders be born?
How does one build a country when the champions have been silenced by time…the spirit of our great talent having been bartered away for another’s reality, a hat hung so far out of reach yet all our energies are concentrated in blindly, relentlessly striving towards that dream….We cannot continue down this path.
In the analysis we find hope in a fine thread of knowledge that in every Jamaican rests possibility…waiting to be uncovered and polished for countryward Victory.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Forgotten
As blue skies turned to dusk, ash grey clouds barreled in …my emotive self was lulled into accepting reality…this indeed was not meant to be.
The evening tide was coming in now and birds fed hungrily on God’s provision in the shallow…Etana’s “Don’t Forget” filtered through an open window along with the smell of fry fish and bammy….I was fascinated (possibly hurt) by the unexpected end to an unusual deed. The plight of singledom – “yuh win some, yuh lose some….ah suh di t’ing set up”.
Wave after wave of anger ticked by with the minutes spent chilling alone on a bench waiting, taking that chance that the businessman/cop/axe murderer would show up….I’m a simple girl with simple rules for life…honesty being at the top of the list, so opportunities provided to run for the hills having been rejected ought not to have resulted in Waiting. Yeah, I was late..ish, and at first didn’t mind the time alone to steel my nerve, but when the cold wind blew in, and comfortable warmth was nowhere to be found, my innermost sensitive self said @#&% It.
Drinking in the last bit of evening, the work stress still slowly seeping from my body, I watched two boys play in the sand as they hoped mommy would never say “I’m Ready”…..their innocence moved me. Regular people were locked in conversation, drinks in hand, the vibes running high…..but for one missing piece, 'they' could’ve been 'we'.
The evening tide was coming in now and birds fed hungrily on God’s provision in the shallow…Etana’s “Don’t Forget” filtered through an open window along with the smell of fry fish and bammy….I was fascinated (possibly hurt) by the unexpected end to an unusual deed. The plight of singledom – “yuh win some, yuh lose some….ah suh di t’ing set up”.
Wave after wave of anger ticked by with the minutes spent chilling alone on a bench waiting, taking that chance that the businessman/cop/axe murderer would show up….I’m a simple girl with simple rules for life…honesty being at the top of the list, so opportunities provided to run for the hills having been rejected ought not to have resulted in Waiting. Yeah, I was late..ish, and at first didn’t mind the time alone to steel my nerve, but when the cold wind blew in, and comfortable warmth was nowhere to be found, my innermost sensitive self said @#&% It.
Drinking in the last bit of evening, the work stress still slowly seeping from my body, I watched two boys play in the sand as they hoped mommy would never say “I’m Ready”…..their innocence moved me. Regular people were locked in conversation, drinks in hand, the vibes running high…..but for one missing piece, 'they' could’ve been 'we'.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
TRUTH
Back in the day when caffeine and weed flowed through my veins, I would rush to stretch my imagination to making the tiniest of things, experiences, desires, hopes, dreams, Something. A tapestry of creative poetry and prose would drip like rich molasses from my pen and I would feel alive again and again….. I miss this me.
Back when the devil prompted my thoughts and deeds I would carve out pieces of the day just to express myself in some way…..if this were then I’d share my desire to be more than held, to be kissed on the forehead, to watch him undress…..slowly, to dot kisses down his chest, over his hips, in search of that spot that makes his eyes roll back. I’d weave a collage of tender touches to urge a burning response from some unsuspecting soul.
Yes, if I were the former me I would have captured the cloud covered mountain tops this morning and would speak at length of that day at the beach…. how in the chill of the evening sunset he ran by once, then twice, then more times than I could count. I would admit I watched keenly as he stopped to stretch his overworked muscles…..I would confess that he sparked more than a little interest….but this is not then, and to move forward one has to let go of the who you were, in order to Become.
But a part of me wishes that creative spirit would return; that the block would be removed; that I didn’t care about my part in causing sin; that I could justify my actions in my mind…..but I can’t. I can’t turn back time, nor can I sit on the fence…to follow the Lord one must give up oneself to be Molded, Changed, Set Free….but couldn’t that be with the yearning still to write, to fill blank pages with Some things.
Back when the devil prompted my thoughts and deeds I would carve out pieces of the day just to express myself in some way…..if this were then I’d share my desire to be more than held, to be kissed on the forehead, to watch him undress…..slowly, to dot kisses down his chest, over his hips, in search of that spot that makes his eyes roll back. I’d weave a collage of tender touches to urge a burning response from some unsuspecting soul.
Yes, if I were the former me I would have captured the cloud covered mountain tops this morning and would speak at length of that day at the beach…. how in the chill of the evening sunset he ran by once, then twice, then more times than I could count. I would admit I watched keenly as he stopped to stretch his overworked muscles…..I would confess that he sparked more than a little interest….but this is not then, and to move forward one has to let go of the who you were, in order to Become.
But a part of me wishes that creative spirit would return; that the block would be removed; that I didn’t care about my part in causing sin; that I could justify my actions in my mind…..but I can’t. I can’t turn back time, nor can I sit on the fence…to follow the Lord one must give up oneself to be Molded, Changed, Set Free….but couldn’t that be with the yearning still to write, to fill blank pages with Some things.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Breached but not Broken
When I was a child, I dreamed of owning a big cat as a pet....a black panther to be exact. Persons would beseech me to think twice on the subject cause wild animals can never be tamed, even if they're born in captivity...The innate hunting spirit and need to protect territory would erode any attempts at civilizing the big cats..they'd say. My dream has not yet died but I think I have a better appreciation for the ills involved.
I still dream of stroking his chest and tummy and scratching his back on lazy days by the pool while I listen to his deep purr, putting a diamond collar around his neck and walking through the Metropolitan....I read too many Mills and Boon and watched too much James Bond growing up.
I thought of the comparison between Big Cats and Men and the similarities were astounding ..in my mind. If you are sweet to them they muster some sweet sufficient to lull you into a false sense of security that you are and will forever be the one, the only one....they are attentive when playing for the prize and will shield you from all harm, provided it emanates from other men....they make you tea, and snuggle up the length of your body while they sleep hoping to keep you warm....they enjoy the hunt, they play with their food, they have puppy dog eyes when caught in an act....but ultimately, one can never predict the actions of the Cat nor can one have expectation of behaviour or respect....a Leopard can never change its spots.
In life one learns to live, love and hopefully learn the lessons from the experiences. It molds and shapes us into who we are, what we believe the strength we exhibit, but for once I wish a man could prove me wrong and indeed be who you think he is, do what you thought he would, mean what he says, not give you the satisfaction of saying "I told you so"....I've always said a woman should know here limits and my age prevent me from pulling the wool over my own eyes once you slip, you slide.
Little sins after all become big ones....in the end being intuitive and unable to settle is a curse...defences up once again.
I still dream of stroking his chest and tummy and scratching his back on lazy days by the pool while I listen to his deep purr, putting a diamond collar around his neck and walking through the Metropolitan....I read too many Mills and Boon and watched too much James Bond growing up.
I thought of the comparison between Big Cats and Men and the similarities were astounding ..in my mind. If you are sweet to them they muster some sweet sufficient to lull you into a false sense of security that you are and will forever be the one, the only one....they are attentive when playing for the prize and will shield you from all harm, provided it emanates from other men....they make you tea, and snuggle up the length of your body while they sleep hoping to keep you warm....they enjoy the hunt, they play with their food, they have puppy dog eyes when caught in an act....but ultimately, one can never predict the actions of the Cat nor can one have expectation of behaviour or respect....a Leopard can never change its spots.
In life one learns to live, love and hopefully learn the lessons from the experiences. It molds and shapes us into who we are, what we believe the strength we exhibit, but for once I wish a man could prove me wrong and indeed be who you think he is, do what you thought he would, mean what he says, not give you the satisfaction of saying "I told you so"....I've always said a woman should know here limits and my age prevent me from pulling the wool over my own eyes once you slip, you slide.
Little sins after all become big ones....in the end being intuitive and unable to settle is a curse...defences up once again.
Friday, January 15, 2010
This too shall pass
Sometimes I think God darkens our days, our very existence too, to remind and prove to us that the human spirit will always triumph. A least developed, poverty ravaged country is hit by a massive earthquake and the world responds…maybe every country doesn’t rush immediately to help but the overall sentiment is that they reach out.
The outpouring of help for Haiti is enough to bring tears to my eyes…..“Too little too late”…some crusaders may cry, but when through tragedy countries forget their own situation for awhile and focus on a single good, I can't help but see the silver lining in the cloud of the aftermath.
The world put aside the usual hindrances to progress and a show of kindness, skin colour; religious belief; political leaning; the innate need to hold on to power etc., and responded to the cries for help from beneath the rubble. I give thanks that the quake didn’t hit in the night for surely the death knell surely would have rung out even louder.
I’m heartened today to be a citizen of the world. I am glad I was witness to the power of a mighty God, who destroys and builds up in ways unimaginable. Because I believe, beyond doubt that God on our side, I know inside that like the phoenix Haiti will rise again to face this new decade and win victory……with concrete and steel buildings too:0)
The outpouring of help for Haiti is enough to bring tears to my eyes…..“Too little too late”…some crusaders may cry, but when through tragedy countries forget their own situation for awhile and focus on a single good, I can't help but see the silver lining in the cloud of the aftermath.
The world put aside the usual hindrances to progress and a show of kindness, skin colour; religious belief; political leaning; the innate need to hold on to power etc., and responded to the cries for help from beneath the rubble. I give thanks that the quake didn’t hit in the night for surely the death knell surely would have rung out even louder.
I’m heartened today to be a citizen of the world. I am glad I was witness to the power of a mighty God, who destroys and builds up in ways unimaginable. Because I believe, beyond doubt that God on our side, I know inside that like the phoenix Haiti will rise again to face this new decade and win victory……with concrete and steel buildings too:0)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Prayer.....Again
My Lord…My God
When the principalities spoken of old rise up against me I fail to see you first.
Forgive me.
In darkness I continue to fight, ever striving toward your light….buckling at the simplest of tests…clinging to the feverish cry within of mind induced hopelessness…a lie
Forgive me.
The table prepared with your bounty for me is more than I asked, you have never blessed me half & half….A complete reward stored up and released in my time of utmost need. Forgive me for not acknowledging at all times that in adversity, we are made perfect and you strength is magnified.
Sometimes blessings take forms we never imagine…..hearing the birds sing, seeing a beautiful crimson sunset, wishing the thick clouds which cover the highest mount were sent to rest your weary head upon….Sometimes I remember to give thanks for the blessings seen and unseen….even if its spawned from my weak faith in times of challenge.
For he shall keep in peace those whose minds are stayed on Him.
When the principalities spoken of old rise up against me I fail to see you first.
Forgive me.
In darkness I continue to fight, ever striving toward your light….buckling at the simplest of tests…clinging to the feverish cry within of mind induced hopelessness…a lie
Forgive me.
The table prepared with your bounty for me is more than I asked, you have never blessed me half & half….A complete reward stored up and released in my time of utmost need. Forgive me for not acknowledging at all times that in adversity, we are made perfect and you strength is magnified.
Sometimes blessings take forms we never imagine…..hearing the birds sing, seeing a beautiful crimson sunset, wishing the thick clouds which cover the highest mount were sent to rest your weary head upon….Sometimes I remember to give thanks for the blessings seen and unseen….even if its spawned from my weak faith in times of challenge.
For he shall keep in peace those whose minds are stayed on Him.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New year, Old Afflictions
It’s the 6th day of the New Year, A New Decade…. yet unfortunately I feel as though I’m stuck in the “Noughties”. My head is reeling from anger and disappointment, my system overloaded with the weight of new and increased taxes, the harshness of the livity which is predicted to get worse as the year drags on into the Abyss of Recession.
Wishing for that straw to clutch at, hoping for Grace to see me through, believing it will, but failing miserably at remaining focused on the prize. I’m in a addled state, confounded by incessant Judgment projected at my every turn…maybe they have it right, maybe I’m playing with God?…It should not be this easy to fall….Am I really capable of change?
My heart is cast down in the new born year and its too early for that…right? The promise of a new dawn has always been a source of light…new opportunities to live-up, a slate wiped clean, a more appropriate destiny to be sculpted…Again…A sheath of happiness just within the reach of my outstretched finger tips, mind and soul….Its too early to be Depressed…do I need to have sex???? Will the endorphins explode and calm my frayed nerves, colour my world rosy…be the catalyst for my return to a naughty, empty, elated state.
I have prayed and I’m impatient for full change…If I fall down again, will I have the strength to get back up?? Prayer changes things and in my experience so far it does…
Help me to be quiet Lord and wait for your intervention
Give me peace that I may rest in the bosom of your love and gloryWishing for that straw to clutch at, hoping for Grace to see me through, believing it will, but failing miserably at remaining focused on the prize. I’m in a addled state, confounded by incessant Judgment projected at my every turn…maybe they have it right, maybe I’m playing with God?…It should not be this easy to fall….Am I really capable of change?
My heart is cast down in the new born year and its too early for that…right? The promise of a new dawn has always been a source of light…new opportunities to live-up, a slate wiped clean, a more appropriate destiny to be sculpted…Again…A sheath of happiness just within the reach of my outstretched finger tips, mind and soul….Its too early to be Depressed…do I need to have sex???? Will the endorphins explode and calm my frayed nerves, colour my world rosy…be the catalyst for my return to a naughty, empty, elated state.
I have prayed and I’m impatient for full change…If I fall down again, will I have the strength to get back up?? Prayer changes things and in my experience so far it does…
Help me to be quiet Lord and wait for your intervention
Take my hand so I that I know you're on my side
Cleanse me and forgive my openness to temptation and ugliness
My heart waits for your Grace Oh Lord
In Jesus’ name I pray Amen and Amen.
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