Last weekend was spent fighting temptation....I won with a little help from prayer and my TotalGym 1500....Oh how I wish I had the TotalGym XLS or even the TotalGym 3000, but at a whopping US$1500 and US$849 its not gonna happen, at least not in this Recession. For now I just draem about owning the XLS and continue to salivate at the features.
When the burning yearning got to much I latched on to my Bible and read Psalms, Kings, Solomon and Acts but they weren't enough ...I thought. Eventually on Tuesday, i settled for a hug and a kiss from a bredren who is committed to helping me through this bold decision I've made...Damnit. He refused me yesterday, while the rain fell and my body ached, he refused me....am I losing my touch, Already???
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sinfully Good
Walking the straight an narrow with the Lord is not so easy when he has pecs like pillow tops, arms that you can imagine tightly wrapped around your waist, pretty pink lips, abs like ridges, a taunt sweet waist that you picture in action grinding you in place, fingers of fury, touching each erogenous zone making you whimper and scream and moan...
Yes the righteous trod is threatened by him, the memory of him is enough to cause sin, yet I must push to the back of my mind his feel, his strong sturdy thighs, his jeans at low rise, his hips, the tsate of his d--k...its definitely not an easy road.
Yes the righteous trod is threatened by him, the memory of him is enough to cause sin, yet I must push to the back of my mind his feel, his strong sturdy thighs, his jeans at low rise, his hips, the tsate of his d--k...its definitely not an easy road.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
By His Deeds Shall a MAN be Known
Young, future bright....he was a child for whom the world came tumbling down when he heard the word "Divorce".
His days since the split were spent suppressing his hurt and pain at the loss of the familial safety net...Parents who were supposed to protect him, failed him and now look at the result.
Frustrated, tired of shouting silently for help, he succumbed to the J'can male stereotype..."Bad man nuh bawl, they act out". He hid his emotions under transparent actions, tucked away the longing in him for that cuddle, a demonstration of love and protection and he succumbed.....he succumbed to the pressure of destroying someone or something else, after all, misery loves company. In order to get the attention he needed, he realised he had to scream from the core of his being for somebody, anybody to SAVE ME PLEEEEASE.
His deteriorating mind found a voice in a blog, an outlet which escalated his plea.......Jamaica, the secret society that it is, closed its eyes and ears and he languished in latent violence.
Bombarded with images of 9/11, bombings in Afghanistan, nauseating demonstrations of force of will on smaller opponents, and the ease with which one can create mayhem, a website guide to world domination explored maybe. His Itouch, cellphone, computer, TV screen, weapons of self destruction, a detonator in his hands and a head full of erroneous thoughts...a dangerous combination, but a necessity for the HELP he needed.
He's a Jamaican boy, armed with his father's gun. Blind, Overcome with the release of finally letting them see what he had become....how much it really hurt. He forced his way in, he took charge of the plane and stonewalled the troops. Minutes turned into hours....and with messages streaming in from every angle, he grew intoxicated with the stage he had entered, spotlights on him, finally.....His father on a phone, his friends too, a pleading Prime Minister...which other 21 year old could claim such an audience...all for him, a shadow until then. Hoping to recover sanity, praying the system wouldn't fail him, or that Daddy's money could bail him....raging against just being a statistic, to not be counted among the number of failures at life after legislated parental split.
Steven Fray was as much a victim as the passengers of Canjet Flight 918 His country failed him. We failed to recognise his pain...we failed to listen to the words unspoken.....this baby of the soil, the JAMROCK, our hard hearts failed him completely.
In all this though, we give thanks, that the usual force of our armed forces was not displayed, and he lives....an opportunity provided to help him still.
My concern is that a jury of his peers, will not see this action as a cry for help, but instead, will sentence him to life among the real threat. Yes, we will bow to the pressures of international organisations who were the same to happen on their own soil, would have coddled the youngster instead of sacrificing one for the greater business number.
It is indeed sad that history will recall him as a troubled youth, with too much access to information for his idle hands, weak constitution, it will see him as the corn reaped from impure wayward youth. His deeds in one night, will forever be his badge of dishonour.....no matter the motivator, no matter the circumstance, a son betrayed by a mother and father....a son of the 21st century common phenomenon... a broken home....a text book case.
His days since the split were spent suppressing his hurt and pain at the loss of the familial safety net...Parents who were supposed to protect him, failed him and now look at the result.
Frustrated, tired of shouting silently for help, he succumbed to the J'can male stereotype..."Bad man nuh bawl, they act out". He hid his emotions under transparent actions, tucked away the longing in him for that cuddle, a demonstration of love and protection and he succumbed.....he succumbed to the pressure of destroying someone or something else, after all, misery loves company. In order to get the attention he needed, he realised he had to scream from the core of his being for somebody, anybody to SAVE ME PLEEEEASE.
His deteriorating mind found a voice in a blog, an outlet which escalated his plea.......Jamaica, the secret society that it is, closed its eyes and ears and he languished in latent violence.
Bombarded with images of 9/11, bombings in Afghanistan, nauseating demonstrations of force of will on smaller opponents, and the ease with which one can create mayhem, a website guide to world domination explored maybe. His Itouch, cellphone, computer, TV screen, weapons of self destruction, a detonator in his hands and a head full of erroneous thoughts...a dangerous combination, but a necessity for the HELP he needed.
He's a Jamaican boy, armed with his father's gun. Blind, Overcome with the release of finally letting them see what he had become....how much it really hurt. He forced his way in, he took charge of the plane and stonewalled the troops. Minutes turned into hours....and with messages streaming in from every angle, he grew intoxicated with the stage he had entered, spotlights on him, finally.....His father on a phone, his friends too, a pleading Prime Minister...which other 21 year old could claim such an audience...all for him, a shadow until then. Hoping to recover sanity, praying the system wouldn't fail him, or that Daddy's money could bail him....raging against just being a statistic, to not be counted among the number of failures at life after legislated parental split.
Steven Fray was as much a victim as the passengers of Canjet Flight 918 His country failed him. We failed to recognise his pain...we failed to listen to the words unspoken.....this baby of the soil, the JAMROCK, our hard hearts failed him completely.
In all this though, we give thanks, that the usual force of our armed forces was not displayed, and he lives....an opportunity provided to help him still.
My concern is that a jury of his peers, will not see this action as a cry for help, but instead, will sentence him to life among the real threat. Yes, we will bow to the pressures of international organisations who were the same to happen on their own soil, would have coddled the youngster instead of sacrificing one for the greater business number.
It is indeed sad that history will recall him as a troubled youth, with too much access to information for his idle hands, weak constitution, it will see him as the corn reaped from impure wayward youth. His deeds in one night, will forever be his badge of dishonour.....no matter the motivator, no matter the circumstance, a son betrayed by a mother and father....a son of the 21st century common phenomenon... a broken home....a text book case.
First Step to Closing the Door
I was early for my Father’s House, so I walked to the seashore and gazed at the morning as I pondered the paradox of building a Church almost on the sand.
Moved: I was moved to depart from my wicked lustful ways and the Lord being a good friend, took me in his arms and promised to make me whole again if only I would choose to obey.
While I’m not there fully, I considered my attendance at church for two consecutive Sundays (a vision not seen since my early teens) to be a step in the right direction toward deliverance from my sins. The road will be rough and I in my most naturally human form, will have to pray night and day and day and night for strength to overcome. Being my greatest critic as well I also hope that I will learn to forgive myself when I stumble and fall.
I have always had a rigid conception of the Christian being. A child of God is a rock with a foundation on the Lord, so then how could one fall, I used to think. But in the last three years I have learnt that even Jesus was tempted and lesser beings as we are, we cannot fully escape the allure of sin. The aim is to keep on trying and to rely on God to see you through your next confrontation with the darkside.
Prayer: Prayer I am no stranger to, and in fact it has buoyed me through quite a bit in my life, but this is not enough. Taking that step toward the Lord through acknowledgement of him as Lord and Saviour of mankind, living the life, letting your life be an example to others, these things are must dos to prove your commitment to the Cross and its promise of….. Salvation. Prayer represents however a direct contact to your shepherd and should never be broken no matter the stains on the fabric of your soul.
Spirituality: I have tried to be spiritual mostly in my 3 decades and 4 yrs, however for one who can barely muster tolerance for her brothers an sisters, this is sometimes hard to maintain. My efforts are also derailed by my more than healthy love for the gift of sex…….how do I stay away until he sends for me that one special sexy bodied being? How do I stay Chaste, for I am bombarded each day with potentials and images of the possibilities? “Just say No” rehearses in the back of my mind, yet still I am weak.
My challenge is also compounded by my seeming natural appeal to those with golden bands upon their fingers and a yearning for excitement. Appealing they are to me as well and this is my certain path to hell. But they can never ask you to be true, nor fall to their knees proposing protection until death do you part…..a format in which I find absolute stability, for I never have to pretend to be asleep as he whispers marry me.
Inspiration: As I looked up at the imposing hills, I knew the Great I AM looked down on me saying “Through me all things are possible, those in the dark I will bring into the light and they will be as a great oak tree, planted in my love a personal treasure that I will keep and hold through generations” I can’t help but be inspired to try.
PEACE: I am Confident that he will lead me home, no matter how long it takes and I will dwell in the House of the Lord in absolute peace, just in time.
My journey will be great…..the road will be rugged but I am today committed because I know he alone can change me.
Moved: I was moved to depart from my wicked lustful ways and the Lord being a good friend, took me in his arms and promised to make me whole again if only I would choose to obey.
While I’m not there fully, I considered my attendance at church for two consecutive Sundays (a vision not seen since my early teens) to be a step in the right direction toward deliverance from my sins. The road will be rough and I in my most naturally human form, will have to pray night and day and day and night for strength to overcome. Being my greatest critic as well I also hope that I will learn to forgive myself when I stumble and fall.
I have always had a rigid conception of the Christian being. A child of God is a rock with a foundation on the Lord, so then how could one fall, I used to think. But in the last three years I have learnt that even Jesus was tempted and lesser beings as we are, we cannot fully escape the allure of sin. The aim is to keep on trying and to rely on God to see you through your next confrontation with the darkside.
Prayer: Prayer I am no stranger to, and in fact it has buoyed me through quite a bit in my life, but this is not enough. Taking that step toward the Lord through acknowledgement of him as Lord and Saviour of mankind, living the life, letting your life be an example to others, these things are must dos to prove your commitment to the Cross and its promise of….. Salvation. Prayer represents however a direct contact to your shepherd and should never be broken no matter the stains on the fabric of your soul.
Spirituality: I have tried to be spiritual mostly in my 3 decades and 4 yrs, however for one who can barely muster tolerance for her brothers an sisters, this is sometimes hard to maintain. My efforts are also derailed by my more than healthy love for the gift of sex…….how do I stay away until he sends for me that one special sexy bodied being? How do I stay Chaste, for I am bombarded each day with potentials and images of the possibilities? “Just say No” rehearses in the back of my mind, yet still I am weak.
My challenge is also compounded by my seeming natural appeal to those with golden bands upon their fingers and a yearning for excitement. Appealing they are to me as well and this is my certain path to hell. But they can never ask you to be true, nor fall to their knees proposing protection until death do you part…..a format in which I find absolute stability, for I never have to pretend to be asleep as he whispers marry me.
Inspiration: As I looked up at the imposing hills, I knew the Great I AM looked down on me saying “Through me all things are possible, those in the dark I will bring into the light and they will be as a great oak tree, planted in my love a personal treasure that I will keep and hold through generations” I can’t help but be inspired to try.
PEACE: I am Confident that he will lead me home, no matter how long it takes and I will dwell in the House of the Lord in absolute peace, just in time.
My journey will be great…..the road will be rugged but I am today committed because I know he alone can change me.
Monday, April 20, 2009
What Women Want
A man is a special being. He has pride of place with the Lord and is the rock on which a family is built. While I love the career woman thing, I firmly believe that this was not what God intended.
A woman is a man's companion through life as he unfolds the great plan for his life. She is not his equal and should never be made to feel like she is. A bredren of mine, with one of the brightest smiles you can imagine, summed it up in a sentence......"A woman expresses herself in a most natural kind of way when she is free of all restraints, constraints and dependencies".
At first the profundity of the statement did not resonate with me, but eventually...as I played with the notion, I had to agree, a woman is at her best when she is unencumbered by constraints. So I write this for those men who are willing to listen and adjust.....
If he stands as my King, I have no hesitation in bowing to his power and presence and servicing his every whim
If he stands as my King, I'll submit to his will and words only second to God's
My King has as his focus my complete happiness, sexual, social, spiritual and more...
For my King I will devote my life and energy to raising him up to the highest of heights and kissing his feet. My body would be his to forever keep, to explore, to even trade if he so desires.....I would be his completely.
For my King, I would rise in the morning relieve him of the tent he pitched in the night, make breakfast and kiss him on the lips before heading off to work....and for his Queen I have no doubt he would do the same.
For this man I would leave the safety of my built up security and have full faith that he will take charge......for this man I would be homey, lover and friend. For this man, I would turn a blind eye to his wayward ways knowing that he and I will keep count of his daliances and I would be given leave to repay him one day.....Balance is key
If he stands as my King there would be no place I would rather be, but in his castle, in his arms and in his heart.
A woman is a man's companion through life as he unfolds the great plan for his life. She is not his equal and should never be made to feel like she is. A bredren of mine, with one of the brightest smiles you can imagine, summed it up in a sentence......"A woman expresses herself in a most natural kind of way when she is free of all restraints, constraints and dependencies".
At first the profundity of the statement did not resonate with me, but eventually...as I played with the notion, I had to agree, a woman is at her best when she is unencumbered by constraints. So I write this for those men who are willing to listen and adjust.....
If he stands as my King, I have no hesitation in bowing to his power and presence and servicing his every whim
If he stands as my King, I'll submit to his will and words only second to God's
My King has as his focus my complete happiness, sexual, social, spiritual and more...
For my King I will devote my life and energy to raising him up to the highest of heights and kissing his feet. My body would be his to forever keep, to explore, to even trade if he so desires.....I would be his completely.
For my King, I would rise in the morning relieve him of the tent he pitched in the night, make breakfast and kiss him on the lips before heading off to work....and for his Queen I have no doubt he would do the same.
For this man I would leave the safety of my built up security and have full faith that he will take charge......for this man I would be homey, lover and friend. For this man, I would turn a blind eye to his wayward ways knowing that he and I will keep count of his daliances and I would be given leave to repay him one day.....Balance is key
If he stands as my King there would be no place I would rather be, but in his castle, in his arms and in his heart.
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