Mood Swings

I went to Devon House and had some of their world famous ice cream.......needless to say....I'm in a better mood. An injection of chocolate, fat and sugar always does the job....I topped it all off with a Whopper and fries and I am in a better place now......about a fifteen hundred calories more of me to love, but I don't give a ....

I haven't completely snapped out of the funk nor do i think I will for the rest of the day cause as the cold night rolls in, I am sure I will have angry regrets yet again.....for now though, I'm okay.

Sometimes we wallow in self pity, we allow our minds to upset our equilibrium with negative thoughts and we forget that we have been through worse and therefore have yielded to the dramatic tortured artist part of us which ultimately is never a good space to be in, but we relish the moments of connectedness to this perceived deeper being who feels more than anyone should......and we indulge for as long as our rational thinking selves will allow. My rational self is a little harder to find so I wallow a little longer than I should but deep down I know I will be fine........it was not my first experience and it will not be my last.

I have a set-up tonight that i don't want to go to but will have to. I 'm representing my brother who was just here and can't make it back for his Godmother's funeral......she was a good enough lady...always looking out for his interest......we spent too many Sunday mornings at her home roasting fish and crabs and conch we caught with Daddy earlier in the morning......we had too many sharing of said food with all the persons who would drop by her house.....we spent too many of the other days of the week playing with her kids and learning about our bodies when adults weren't looking.....we crept out of the house too many times with Daddy on the weekend to just guh easy inna har back yaad....we spent too much time in her presence for me not to go pay my respect.

I only hope I don't get caught up thinking about the fleeting nature of life, and the inevitability of death.....especially so close to the anniversary of my own mother's separation from this life.