Yesterday was a bad day, a weird day too. He called in the afternoon to apologise for using me as a go between, he implored however that I think about why he did it....and has been doing it. I told him that I couldn't find the keys to unlock the espionage type actions and words he seemed bent on utilizing. I am no "Pussy Galore" or "Dr. No", so I told him I was not in a good mood so he should either be straight with me or tell me the Fuck Off I needed to hear.
He was saved by the beep then....I had to take a call, so we said goodbye with a promise that he would call me later. I beat him to it. I called at a dangerous time I know, fortunately my hurdle was not his family but his involvement in some engagement or the other....I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice when I said bye.
I forced my eyes shut and willed myself to sleep at 2:00 a.m. this morning, he was with me in thought all that time.....I chastised myself for it. Tears came but somehow did not flow as I thought about his uncanny ability to know when my cup was running over with difficulty dealing with this thing, and his cruelty to compound the problem with his perplexing displays of nondescript affection, which serves only one purpose, to catapult me into a tailspin of thoughts and reasonings as I try to decipher the 'truth'...... Somehow when I thought of him wearing me out it was never like this, it involved a lot more pleasure with some pain (love hurts a little when done right).....I am tired
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