Angry Black Female in need

How many times can the heart break before it stops?

Letting go shouldn't be this hard.........why does he continue to break me?

Had I really had ENOUGH I wouldn't be thinking about making him moan and groan......But what am I holding on to anyway....a memory of his hands, his tongue, the feel of him?

How can a memory have me so sprung? At the very least I should be getting fucked regularly out of this arrangement.....other than sex we have nothing in common, so why then am I titillated at the thought of him?There is no future even if there is "something", so why is he so present in my mind? No good could come of it. He has accepted this fact, why can't I?....Why am I so consumed?

I wish to slap myself, if this could be my bridge away from the other side........................God, this rips into everthing in me, everything...................It shouldn't be this hard.......IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD TO DO.........


I just want to enjoy what he has to offer, where, when and how ever I wish. I couldn't care less that he's married.....I have nothing to do with her and she nothing to do with me..... he could use some of what I've taught him with her (spice shit up)....fuck it......I want to indulge in him like a full bodied red wine......I don't want him to be my 'breadwinner'....all I want is to fuck him until he becomes and groaner......that's all I want.....to fuck....simple really.

I do wish to respect what he wants, but I want what I want too.
(Grrrrrrr)

I'm not gonna do anything about what I'm feeling......I just wanted to articulate what I want as at this moment.