Ramblings.....Again

I'm still celibate.....I don't like it but its necessary.

My not having sex has had good result........I think less or I am too exhausted to think, it has cleared a path for a real exercise programme to be establishe din my life......I get to contort myself into interesting positions which is a good replacement for the other positions to which I had become accustomed, with the added pleasure of no stress, no fight for possession, no convincing that this will be the last time, no hassle, of course no human contact either, which I really, really, really miss, I would love a fucking hug..... but sometimes the burn is almost orgasmic too so I guess its the closest thing to the real thing......

I have realised that there is no good place in this life for a feeling being......feeling people are three times beaten in this life.....one should therefore always strive to construct great walls around the heart, cause failure to do so will result in affection. This would not be problematic if the object of ones affection returned even an ounce.

I will blacklist feeling and feelings.

This culprit is responsibile for error thoughts, erroneous action and ultimately loss of ground in the battle. I did something silly, again....when will I learn...now I don't think I will make it to my target of two months, cause I feel like fucking my blues away.....I didn't want to start fucking again in this place that I am in, emotionally, how can I take revenge on myself with myself???? But that's what I feel like doing to find something to clutch at.....I know this will lead to a few meaningless sexual encounters and I am getting too damn old for that shit......that or I'll revert to previous comfortable ground.....and I don't want that either......I need to stop thinking.