I bowed to the need to send the silly texts and emails.....I'm filled with regret now.........I'm angry and this time the cause is not me...........all I wanted was a hug, nothing more, just a hug......he did not respond....that hurt...so as is customary, I got angry and wrote some things I probably shouldn't have, but this is who I am.
It really just got worse after that....he called.....I was too angry to answer, might have verbalised a lot more than I should've if I had (I like to do combo expletives at times.....it doesn't sound so good).......I wasn't sorry for doing what I did when I called today....it was raining and I guess I just wanted to........I don't know what I wanted to do.
I know he's busy, its a busy time......I know this, but him not answering doesn't feel so good............maybe he's upset with me, maybe he just wants to draw the line now........again.....maybe he's just being him, I don't care about the reason really, it just hurts to know that everything has to be his way, what he wants, how he wants it to be, when he wants, everything.............why can't I lead for a bit?........just once even?
When I think about the outcome of an innocent attempt to get a hug I realise that everything is too hard with him. I wish my available distractions were more distracting.
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4 comments:
Keep cool brother....lie in de sun man. Enjoy "watching dem sport"
P is convinced that you is as mad as a box of frogs and is worried about you man
Mr. P....aaahhhh.......my heart is filled with such joy that you would take time out to worry about little old me......guess you just have to live up to the huge task of leading island people into the light....onwards and upwards my brother.
Is P sensing an invite to come and stay?
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