I found a distraction.....I spent a weekend of love, reconnecting with old feelings I always had for the man in my heart. We made new memories and I thought of how good we were together. Why do we continue to play each other, then? Why can't he keep it in his pants and why can't I fight the need to take revenge every time he slips into another? Love is hard.

We do the dance, he thinks I am lying, I think he's lying, but we've managed to go 9 years with just a few hiccups, roadblocks, parting of ways in the mix....but how I feel for this man is as obvious as the contrast of night on day.....he knows me inside and out and he can weave me into shapes, states and forms in a way no other can even venture to do...he has me lock, stock and barrel and he knows......more importantly he knows the potency of my own hold over him and this works for us.

We are getting older though and the game is no longer as amusing and titilating as it once was ......(as is demonstrated by my ineptitude in dealing with this latest fling)........ I keep thinking that the time might be drawing nigh for him to dispense with my fobia about marriage and pop the question.......expecting of course an answer in the affirmative......the funny thing is, while my throat still gets tight at the thought of spending the rest of my life with one man, my heart has wrapped itself around the idea with effortless ease and I am left to choose which master to serve, my feeling nature or my mind.