Words of wisdom in the form of an anonymous comment flowed into my consciousness yesterday, like a messenger from God, confirming previous thoughts I had buried because of an ill fated will to get my trophy. I was grateful for the input and in my usual impetuousness I thought to follow....its amazing how little a part age plays in the process of maturity, because at this age I thought I would be able to make the right decisions and follow my head, which had always red flagged my entering into this situation, but like a child I continue to disobey in my pursuit.
I blame OCD....it makes me feel better so to say....it would exercise my psyche too much were I to leave this matter unfinished.....though I can't help thinking that I would be unamused if the judgement were to not come out in my favour.
I know what I need to do to alleviate this pregnant pause in my life......its doing it that's the problem. I am confident though that the day will come when all this will be like a floating crude memory.....things and times are changing that may make and commit to the decision for me.
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