Regrets pt 1

I had a rough night again last night, thought I was doing better, but nope. Funny thing is that I can't remember ever being this enamoured in my life, certainly not for so long....maybe its because I can't get what I want?? In my tiredness I did something foolish as well....AGAIN....made contact to the effect of reiterating that he was a p---y tease....and that I needed to know my place in the chronology of his extra marital priorities....you know girl #2,3,4,5 ......

I don't know why I did it I just did...seemed a good idea at the time but I know how scared guys can get with a question like this being posed. At this moment though, I must admit to not caring too much about where I fall, as long as it brings me my prize. I just want to get enough of it so that I can make a decent determination and leave it the f--k alone. Can it be possible that I want this man so much????? "ole time people woulda seh a tie him tie mi". Translation - My grandmother's generation would say that he has conjured up evil spirits to assist him in possessing me for as long as he wants.

I have even taken up walking in the evenings to burn off some of this excess energy...its too much for a body. At least this situation is bearing useful fruit in the area of my physical fitness, God knows that's the only good impact it is having on my health.

I have not gotten a response...I do not expect to. Frustration always leads to irrational actions.