Tuesday, October 2, 2007

A Battle of Wills

Intoxicated.....I am drunk with this emotion.......I stopped when the room started spinning, when my ears burned, when my eyes glossed over and my jawline throbbed....I knew what was happening but it had gone too far by then......the process had commenced and I was again failed by my own capacity to vent.
My response to a request to "even out my tone" was to indicate that my tone was in fact quite even.....and that this was a lesser evil and paled in comparison to the real thing.......trust me....with my brows furrowed and my silence belying my true feeling, I battled with self to hold my tongue and not let it do further damage to his senses.....until he told me I was too quick to ire and should rein in my temper, then I did what any "not thinking too clearly" woman would, I hissed my teeth and continued to defy.......and now I am left asking why:
  1. am I always at the extremes of the poles when it comes to him
  2. he couldn't just give me the reins and let me lead for a while
  3. should I have to hold my tongue
  4. can't I speak in prettier words when I am upset
  5. am I filled with such passion
  6. should I change...love me or leave me


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