In our row the other day he told me that I had been far from patient in this matter.....now you understand why I was so pissed right. The thing is, he was only confirming that which I knew to be true but couldn't help acting out. Being patient was never, and sadly I am beginning to think will never be, a part of my suite of talents. Patience for me means no interest....being able to be patient means there is no fire....no fire means there is no need to fight.
I have an old flame in the Queen's back yard......I made the necessary contact and I will drown my sorrows in sin with him during my visit.....he was never very good, but I am hoping that time and age has schooled him in the ways of pleasing a woman sufficient to remind me of how wanted I can be...of my usual effect on the men I share myself with.
He's a sweetheart, that was the other problem between us, and I know this will fuck him up, he will think there is a chance after this.......I always had him wrapped around my finger and could get away with murder with him.... and I will deal with the consequences after I get back.....I don't want the responsibility, but I need the feeling of a man wanting me so much it hurts....I need this validation, that I still have IT.....and ths way I won't have to add to my number......I know its selfish, but its the only way I know how to demonstrate patience......cause patience for me also means that I will lose interest, this will help me to break free from my sentence to foolishness.
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