My Decision

Today was hard......I was weak again. Unfortunately I let anger and a few moments of good dialogue brought on by the inclement weather ruffle my feathers and spark a feeling of being desired. I was wrong to do it, I admit.....but when you are faced with the beginning of retribution for your actions and anger so great because of your inability to reasonably request a pause in his actions you tend to clutch at any straws which may be available.

After a good beginning of the weekend.....I was getting mine, left , right, centre and just about any other ways I could think of.........we came to a cross roads yesterday which unravelled Boogie's silence somewhat on the matter of my infidelity. I told him I was gonna go get my nails 'did'......he didn't believe, and to cut a long story short, I spent last night alone. When I awoke at 2:00 a.m to find that I was the sole occupant of my bed, I was upset......but I was foolish enough to wonder whether he had met upon some harm, so I called and had to kick myself for trying in the end because he did not answer.

At 6:00 a.m he turned up at my door to tell me his phone was down and he had had some difficulty last night, but was now on his way to watch cars race around in a circle in the country.......what the fuck......I was livid, so I fought as hard as I could before bowing to the need to fuck him up.

Fate however had a different plan......I sent a message indicating my new found freedom for the day and expressing a wish to share sometime with a willing partner.....I planned for this escapade to take place at my house....idiotic I know but my anger had clouded my judgement, he didn't respond. It was ambitious of me, but all I wanted was a quickie because I had plans for 1:00pm....but it was not to be......the father continues to protect me in this matter.

I couldn't help feeling disappointed......for more reasons than one... I like to give as good as I get...I like to take revenge swiftly. I think my doubts about having a clandestine English affair have melted, cause now I have to "kill two birds with one stone".

Remaining still is not an option.