Clarification

What do I really want from this man?

I know I want him to want me, I know I have crossed the line into obsession and I am not handling rejection well, I know I don't want love....have and had enough of that, I know that I am caught up in the game unfortunately on the losing side, I know that I am capable of finding someone else to fill in the gap, so why do I keep on trying with him?

I continue to look on in disbelief that I have not been able to get the prize...that I would be unable to entice a man to f--- me on my terms....its crazy and unfamiliar. I have never met a mark that I couldn't call on any day of the week at anytime of the day to come and ---k me.....I think I am just that good at it, or I have been able to find easy marks....any which way, my being attracted to him must mean that he possesses some of the same attributes that attracted me to my other marks. I just don't think one man should be able to muster such resilience....this is of course not to say that I don't believe that a man can simply not want a woman but....that doesn't include me...right?

Yes, I know the moment I stop believing the above bull the process of real healing will commence but I can't shake the vibe that there is something between us that he is afraid to pursue. I wish I could make him understand that this is simply my reaction to being rejected sexually and not an attempt or indication of my having fallen in love.....I think I have been careful to not overtly declare that emotion......I am hoping my pursuit is viewed more along the lines of my wanting to f--k him and nothing more....I don't want conversations in the middle of the night or special moments together......nope, just sex will be fine......

I feel I have to put some context to the above....fortunately or unfortunately I grew up with 4 brothers and I have always marvelled at their abilities in this department...they pursue and pursue the ladies until one day they give in and then that's it...the interest is gone......I am too well trained to have fallen prey to this foolishness especially since love from him is not what I want....frankly he annoys the shit out of me on the work score and on the real....and this was my reaction before any of this so now that he has done this to me......all I want to do is return the favour......Eureka!!.......I guess I may really just want revenge...entice him back so that I can bitch slap him in the face...and of course there is always the added pleasure of watching him gasp for air as you straddle his face, while you are thinking about having a woman's husband under you....that's just a cherry topping right there...

I digress.....unfortunately I have now uncovered that my motive for pursuit is not as deep as it may have seemed. Alas, I am only a woman scorned who wishes to exact some fury on the offending party, but having a devil of a time evoking the desired response....he seems a better player and this infuriates me.

This is my story and I am sticking to it.