3 days....2 nights......5hrs sleep.....I am sleepless in paradise, exhausted from a rambling mind and a weeping heart and this was the day he chose to come to me.
I heard him outside my door while he asked my Secretary if I was in...my stomach lurched with fear of how I would react, of how and who I should be. I couldn't be too bitter but I couldn't be too sweet....so I decided to be a woman and roll with the punches as they presented themselves. I had actually started to feel better about the whole thing in these 3 days......but for a few moments of recollection that made me cringe and cringe...other than that I was good.
It was this me who greeted him as he came storming in like hurricane Dean. He moved to me like a guilt oppressed man with a consciousness of the power he may still wield and I dodged the bullet with little finesse but achieved my best performance yet. I held my hand out for a "how are you" shake and he used the opportunity to pull me into him and kissed my cheeks, my nose and forehead....all this amidst my muffled partial protest.
The familiarity of this type of tender game filled my thoughts and I backed off with a near violent thrust, and he bowed to my will and reluctantly released. I found that steel voice and told him to play elsewhere indicating that the opportunity had been lost and the curtain drawn, with bitterness conspicuously drenching my every word. In that place and drowning in that moment however I uncovered my real self.
He said he would call me later, and I must admit a part of me wished he would....but finally I was synchronised in mind and body and I looked into his eyes...... recognising that I really did not have to manufacture or feign venom....I softly...evenly... told him to not start what he and
I knew he had no intention to finish. I reminded him that I had articulated my decision...and urged that he not confuse this me with the effigy of then.
He was quiet for a while and his eyes registered denial as he extended his hand and we shook on it. I pulled him close then, relaxed in the moment for a bit, and whispered Fuck You...for the record, and the seriousness of the message was conveyed I know.
With a look of disbelief he said goodbye.
His chapter ends here, I know this, because he called as he said he would, and there was nothing....no compulsion to answer, no anxiety having not answered, no hope...nothingness was all I felt.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
8 comments:
Oh my gosh!! I feel like a Grand Jeté!!! I want to hug you!! You go girlfriend you go!!!
Yeah...I felt great doing it too....don't know if this will change but Damn it feels good and I will accept this moment.
Wow. All I can say is... wow.
Congratulations. I think.
Please let me know you and yours were spared from Dean. I am overly concerned with all I am hearing from the weather forecasts.
I am in your corner with water and a rag to dry your face. Hope this is a knockout and he never recovers to invite another round. I missed your postings and I checked diligently to see if you would reply to our comments or what, then boom! I come and see this I am so proud of you. Especially the "fuck u" section, girlfriend you watch too much movies, too much! That was classic I almost feel bad for him. Well I told you the next time you wrote you would definitely be Emancipated!! Enjoy it and hopefully the control will last. Peace
To my legal genre....
You are peppy....you should be studying though, but thanks...still Emancipated?
To the 2 humans, 2 dogs and a fish (I think)in my corner....Me and mine are well and still bracing ourselves for the impact or pass by knowing that either way, the country will be screwed....we are a praying people though....despite what you may have heard...so we will continue to pray for a miraculous change in course even at this stage....Your well wishes will buoy us through....
To Anonymous...were you the first commentator....it doesn't matter, Ithank you for your thumps up...albeit halfway...it echoes my own hesitation in this affair
Post a Comment