Longing for Release

I wish I could cry...I am sad enough to cry...as I write this my eyes glisten with the purging fluid but it will not flow.

It dawned on me today...or should I say that it entered my mind and I am finally acknowledging it.....that maybe just maybe this wasn't an act on his part....maybe he's just trying to spare my feelings...maybe the sex was bad after all....maybe he really just doesn't want me. It was raining cats and dogs today and I wanted to share a little quip with him, so I sought his permission through SMS, to indulge me........he hasn't answered yet.....so I sent back to say that I guess indulging me was never his strong point anyway.

I am beaten, enough is enough I am feeling that feeling ...you know when you actually feel you heart sever/break in two.....I have always hated this part. The wicked thing is that I wont be alone tonight. I wish I could be though, so that I could process and cry, and process and cry and cry some more, knowing that the 'morrow will bring with it a new beginning.