Today is not so good.
I avoided posting yesterday because I knew it would have done more harm than good. I am not dealing well...he is terrorizing me...that's the only way to describe it. Now he adds to my thoughts of him by calling to say good morning or have a good evening....and requesting that we make some time to talk....I have used most of the expletives in my handbook and still he persists...what is wrong with him?
I don't get it, he had it...he had me....but chose not to partake, so why keep up this facade now...why the great display of interest? He needs to stop...he needs to stop now.
I know he is just doing this to get me wrapped up again and will probably mete out a repeat performance of the past few months...I am aware of this fact and I am trying to be still with a hope that it will all pass.....soon. I must admit though my grip is slipping.
He shared yesterday that I was on his mind throughout the storm and sure enough when I came in to work on Tuesday his e-mail was there in testament.....why is he so good at this game...I remember doing shit like this to guys, and I remember the responses it evoked....the response that is now stopped at the back of my throat hanging on for dear life so that I don't fall back under the spell...Damn this is hard...is everything with this guy gonna be this hard...its unfair, absolutely unfair.
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2 comments:
All in the process, girlfriend! Take faith in the fact that your house still holds, albeit rather testily and shakily. Remember what Chinua Achebe says? "when the center no longer holds, all things fall apart". Concentrate on building that core and maintaining that center.
I more than anybody else, knows how hard that may be. But there should be something in your world that matters more than him or the thought of him caressing your body at nights (I deliberately put that there, BE STRONG, don't fall captive to memories!!!)...let that be your center.
Keep strong!
Reggae Lawyer....Strength is something I hope to define one day ....I am better though it was a lapse, it seems, and I think getting it out was therapeutic...gonna go Reggae the night away...hope places are open tonight...what am I thinking...we are a party people....neither hurricane, storm, fog or earthquake can stop the party.
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