Memories

I had never been very good at saying the words "I love you" and "I'm sorry".......the latter just because I never think I'm in the wrong and even if I am or was, what good does it do to admit to it......in the case of the former, men have taught me that saying these words opens the door to doom. Thankfully my men know that I don't do these words......its weird though, cause I like to hear the words "I love you".....I may not believe it, but sometimes its good to hear.

Boogie was the reason for me to take the decision to remain silent on my feelings.....I'm more of a 'action speaks louder than words' kinda girl......so with every pronouncement of love from him, I would brush my lips against his, or snuggle in for a hug, or kiss his forehead in response.......there are the times though when he tells me he needs to hear the words and I have grown proficient at recognising 'that look' so I oblige.......then there are the times when the love bubbles up and overflows in me and I whisper to him as he sleeps or surprise him at the most inopportune time.

Its not that I don't love him, its just that it hurts sometimes to admit to this stuff, cause you know it will ultimately cement in the silliness and men will take advantage...its a knee jerk response....if you can keep them guessing then they remain interested....they can only speculate, when you hold the words close to your chest and this protects you both, I think. I'm not quite sure why I started this post, all I know is.....I wish I could hear the words from him.

I wish we could play that game where I ask him if he loves me, and he says "yes", then I ask "how much?", and he opens his arms to the sides and says "this much", then I say "its not enough.....but I'll take it", we hug and he would amend his statement and say "with all my heart".........its funny the things you miss.