Searching

I am searching for a sign.....a sign that can provide clarity that my soul will accept. I wish I were this committed to my job, to being all I can be, I would be unstoppable.

I search every word here, every action in my memory, every thought I have, for that something which will jog me back to reality....no....accepting the obvious. I want to find that thing which will rock my core and cause me to uncover my pride again, my overly proud self. A self which would laugh in the face of this dilemma, a self which would finally be totally fed up and open to living the reality.

I am searching still, for a self which will override this circuit of foolishness,.......a self I can look at in the mirror again without disgust. I need to find me, only then will I be able to deal.

I wish I had a sign post which would mark an X at the spot where I now reside, where I can uncover a self which the pirate of emotion can no longer pilfer and pillage....one which couldn't be raped by the villain of weakness.....one which could stand firm and unshackled from the imprints of him in my mind....one which could stand up and be counted.....one which I wouldn't be disappointed to be.

I wish to be FREE.