The Good Old Days

My first Love called me yesterday........its amazing how these things happen. I was off from work due to illness and he caught me at home at 12 pm....weird. It was a good talk, there were always issues left unresolved between us.

We reminisced about the early days when we would go five times in a day so that he could go back to St. Mary before my father came home....how he moved to Kingston for me when we worked out that he was too tired at the end of these days to drive back to the country.....how I would miss classes to be with him....how I failed 3 courses my first semester because all I could think about was sex and when next I would get it....how we laughed when he came with me to check my results.....how we would take off to the country at the drop of a hat, and that villa where we christened every room and the pool....youth is wonderful. Those were good days.

We spoke about the bad stuff too, and he revealed that I was the cause of most of it....I cheated first he said, and for some reason he still loved me but was alwaysapprehensive about committing to me alone. I'd break his heart, he said.

We spoke about him putting the pieces of my heart back together when the man I left him for left me for his wife.....youth is a bitch......... I remember it like it was yesterday, its the reason I am how I am.....I had juggled both men for as long as my 22yr old self could manage, I was tired, I was filled with guilt for what I was doing to first love and this man's wife.....I just couldn't manage the love I was feeling in any other way, so eventually I left first love and thought it would all work out in my favour, I was wrong. They don't teach you in high school that married men never leave their wives, a life lesson every girl should learn...early.......he left me, with a phone call the night after he fucked me and told me everything would be okay......he said he had to give his marriage a fighting chance......I was crushed.

That same day I called first love and told him what had happened through much tears, he didn't hesitate, he told me to come over. He sent my replacement packing (later we found out she was pregnant for him) that day and made space for me in his home for as long as I needed. I never knew that I had so much tears in me and he dried every bit of them.......he took a day from work he loved me through it all, and I showed my gratitude for that for the next 3 yrs.

He was good to me, but he was also very very bad.....we stayed together through many of his escapades.....unfortunately his women couldn't seem to fight the urge to call me and let me know how much he really wanted to leave me, and that he was just using me......the moment I confronted him about it that would be the end of them........initially I would get upset and hurt, eventually however, I found that engaging in my own distractions made it feel better....especially when I'd let him know what I was up to, then it felt damn great. Throughout all this though I firmly believed that we loved each other....it was a different kinda love, but love it was.

He told me his wife felt threatened by me......I assured him that I had no intention of going back to where we had been and to let her know that her mind should rest at ease cause I am not a threat. I asked him to take the best care of her that he could cause at the end of the day he had made the ultimate commitment to her in the sight of God. He's a good guy.....deep, way deep, down. This notwithstanding, he was very serious when he told me that he wouldn't promise me that if we were to be in the same room, he wouldn't do everything in his power to take advantage......I was silent then....he had always claimed that we would always be fucking at the very least if not together always. I told him that the long conversation coupled with the reminiscing had led him to believe that he would do such a thing but when reality hits I knew he would think twice about it.

I must admit, it was a little empowering to hear......it was good to experience again my usual effect on the men I do......I keep saying, I have never fucked a man that I couldn't fuck again......well, at least this was how it used to be......I reveled in the fact that he had not yet developed an immunity to me, and I was glad.