The Escape

May 6, 2007

The Escape

I escaped to work this morning hoping the urge to make contact with you would dissipate into nothingness, because I would be busy. Why is this so hard??? I don’t think I like you that much so why can’t I think straight, fall asleep, relinquish the memories? How you feel about me is obvious, you haven’t called, not even to do a post mortem of the session. So why am I so taken withy playing your game…..I dabbled in a work affair and I lost and am now forced to hold my head up high and adopt a mantra of ‘it wasn’t me’. Why did I do this? Why am I so given to giving in to my baser instincts????

I pray that the Lord will let this pass quickly and with less painful emotion. The thought that he knows the look, feel and smell of my …..and can assess same as good or bad while he looks at me across the negotiation table is a source of great distress for me. Avoiding all actions which can lead to my embarrassment will be my stance and I commit this day to:

i) Not call him

ii) Not e-mail him

iii) Not speak to him at meetings

iv) Not make eye contact, not steal a look or two

v) Be cold and clinical in the event that I cannot avoid a conversation about work

vi) Get some sleep without him being the last thought as I drift off to sleep and the first thought when I awake

vi) Focus on my man and take advantage of the benefits of using him to get over this man

viii) Believe that IT WASN’T ME