Manifest pain

June 4, 2007

I watch myself slink into a mould that is too familiar. I keep banging my head against the ceiling with a view to breaking through but nothing happens. I am distraught. The apple of my intentions does not return same emotion and I feel stung. Weakness is a part of me now and I can’t seem to find my way back from the brink of abject irrationality. He doesn’t care so move on I keep telling myself and praying for redemption but my saviour doesn’t come. I need to be released from this spell, I need to focus on me I need, I need, I need.

I cannot play this fool, what’s happening to me? I used to be so good at this. What did I do wrong this time, where did I lose sight of the game and the outcome and capsize into this grovelling fixation that perks up at the sound of his voice…..