Distractions

I travelled over land and sea to escape this me. I shed my usual armour and got down in the ATL for a little while. I drank, smoked and fucked (I know you're wondering what I did differently at this point), I also danced my sorrows away.

Yep I was on my head top in a really cheesy West Indian club but I decided to make the best of it amidst men who didn't think twice about letting me know how "pretty" my teeth were, old men trapped in a time gone by, hoping and praying that some young or youngish thing would give them the time of day once they slid in offering drinks, funny, funny funny...looking like a shoddy version of Mr. Bigs....too funny. I was unconcerned I refused nicely and continued to dance with myself, grabbing my crotch when Beenie's "Dude" came on, and Beres and Sanchez.....the curious thing is that I had only had one drink in the 2 hrs.

I was foot loose and fancy free, I was a woman possessed with releasing the months of unrequited affection....I went home with girlfriends and family members with total agreement to keep my behaviour under wraps, employing the old adage "what happens in the club, stays in the club".

When I went to bed, I was frustrated, so I made a call....a booty call. I had set things in motion prior to my arrival, he wanted me and I relented finally. I decided not to air my reservations in this blog because I was mindful of the result the last time I did that.....I didn't want doubt to creep in.....I accepted that the power to do rests with me so I did.

He was affectionate, kissing and tugging (maybe just a little too much), he dick was nice, big, thick......a body builder, I always wanted to try one of those, a bit clumsy when it comes to kissing, but with the right training, he could be better........ it was sex, nothing more, nothing less. Now I am haunted by him. Its amazing, I thought I wanted the power which flows from knowing "yuh have a man weak" to erase my failure in my other endeavour.....its not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. Really, its an annoyance, and I hate to be overly rude, cause the world is round, but I know I have to draw the line before he provokes me to wrath....usually my mouth fails me when I let things fester, I say what comes to my mind ( usually in my native tongue and punctuated with profanity) and thinking about it comes waaay down the line. I would prefer that this doesn't happen.

I guess the concept of using this man to get over the other distraction will not bear the fruit I want......I feel I would be better served if it was another offending party that was enamoured, that was open with his emotions....that's what will make me feel powerful. For now then, I will work on finding the right words to convey the stop message while ensuring that the door doesn't close entirely.....you never know in this life.......