Thoughts 4

December 27, 2007 - Continued

So many thoughts in my head,
So much to process,
I fear that if I deal in my thoughts too much I may grow to love the world I would have created and choose to reside there for a spell....so I continue to have haphazard indulgence, just enough to ease the pain.

I do wish for unencumbered time to think though.....to admit to my feelings and uncover the magic of willpower, which I know resides in me........... somewhere.
I wish for time to be turned back.....this is the easy solve and it would be sooo cool if this were possible. Seriously though, I wish for a quick fix.

I coached a Friend into accepting the fact that she had been in love with this guy for the past 10 yrs. She thought she was just having fun initially and had let it all go when she left to do her Doctorate....every visit though would result in heartache.

I told her she needed to acknowledge her love fi di yout first and foremost, and that he was married now and therefore was unavailable and she needed to let him go....... I told her this would clear a path for the real healing to take place.

I chastised myself for the blatant lie, but it was a necessary lie.......She says she did as I said and was cured. She tested the strength of her healing when she bucked him up at a party.......she said she exchanged pleasantries and bid him and wifey goodnight....it was a good moment she says. Personally I couldn't believe that this girl who five months ago couldn't bear the thought of not thinking about him, had banished his memory to the back of her mind?....no way....in two weeks......no way.......she is a strong one though....men complain about her not calling enough so she has no difficulty locking up shop.

I remember thinking, why couldn't I be so lucky?....I wish for lady luck to smile upon me similarly..........................................I just want to go to bed and wake up in a day that I waste no time in thoughts of him.......That's all I want, I figure everything after that will be simple.